Sheesh. I had an encounter with a real nutbag today. Let me try to replicate the phone conversation. I'll be normal. He'll be italic because he's seriously off balance.
Hello?
William?
This is Christopher.
Can I talk to William?
He's examining a patient right now. Is there something I can help you with?
That means he's there then. In the office. Most white-collar types take Fridays off to go camping.
Yes... he's here today.... What can I help you with?
I was given his name and number by someone at his church. I need to bring my son in to get him some glasses. See, his... mother - and I use that term in a derogotory way - she only buys him these weak little glasses that break all the time. I don't even know why places sell these pieces of trash to people. They're weak little things that fall apart. I need something that will hold together for a young boy. He plays hockey. And there's gotta be something out there that is meant for little boys to be rough with and never break. Like, if they can make cell phones that you can run over with a car, why can't they make glasses out of the same stuff? But they have a scam. They sell you stuff that will break in a year. Like cars today. They sell them to you when they know they're going to break. It's garbage! THEY'RE GARBAGE! And I'm sick of these doctors selling my boy glasses that BREAK ALL THE TIME! I want some that are undesctructable. I don't care if they look good or not. His mother worries about fashion, but I don't care. I'll make him wear them. I know we have to get his eyes measured, and we do that every year or six months or whatever, but we do that and get the glasses and they break in two weeks. We just got his last pair after getting his eye measured and they broke in a couple days. So can we come in there today and get some glasses that WON'T BREAK?!
Well, does he have a prescription, or-
Obviously he needs to get his eyes measured again. Did you not pick that up? His last one was way over a year ago and I know we need to get them checked every couple months. Don't you know that? So, yes, I need you to measure his eyes and make him some glasses that aren't weak pieces of crap that every time something happens his astigmatism lenses come out.
Ok. The doctor is currently booked for two weeks.
*Silence*
You can tell by my silence that I am not too happy about that. Two weeks? I've never heard of such a thing. I've NEVER heard of such a thing! How can he be booked for two weeks?! What would happen in an emergency?! What if I gouged my eyes out?! You wouldn't turn me away IF I WAS BLEEDING! TWO WEEKS?! What does that even mean?!
We have two weeks worth of patients waiting to see him.
For TWO WEEKS?! How long does it even take to get your eyes measured?!
About forty minutes.
For just the one doctor?! You have that many people waiting to see him?
Yes. We have a lot of patients. We're very blessed.
Well, I guess so. The guy who gave me his number sure liked him, so that's why I'm calling. How much does that forty minutes with the doctor cost?
Do you have insurance?
What do you think?! OF COURSE I don't have insurance!
Well, then it will be $95 for the exam. Plus you're looking at about $120 for the frames and $95 for the lenses.
Three hundred dollars? And you have glasses there that won't ever break?
Well... we have glasses here that are well made and have warranties in case of breaking. I've got to tell you, in my experience, you can the most well-made frames on the planet, give them to a young boy, and he'll find a way to break them.
Well he's very good with his glasses. Always puts them in his backpack. He wears them for hockey. And he runs around in them. Gets a little rowdy. But he's good with them. He never will try to break them. They just are crap! They're CRAP! I look at them under a magnifying glass and it's just cheap material they use to build them with. I need something strong for him. Something that could withstand the Space Shuttle taking off. I mean, you don't even understand what they could be making glasses out of. You tell me this: why don't they have a polymer hinge?
Er... a "polymer hinge"--
What's your name?
...Christopher.
Christopher, you don't know much about glasses. I would hope that someone in your field would know all about every kind of glasses out there. There's got to be something stonger out there to make glasses out of. They need to make polymer hinges and coat the astigmatism lenses in it to they stop breaking. You know the stuff on the bottom of the space shuttle? Why can't they make glasses out of that?! I want to be able to hit them with a hammer and they'll be fine! I know they can make them but they'll probably cost a thousand dollars. And we can't all live out there on the East side and so nothing but polish our cars all day. So why can't they make unbreakable lenses that I can afford?! Tell your fancy doctor - and I shouldn't even use that term. He's not even a real doctor, is he?
Yes, he's a doctor.
Does he have a PhD?
He's an O.D.
Listen, I'm from Canada, and up there we don't call someone a doctor unless they have a postgraduate degree. They have to actually be a doctor. They have to have a doctorate of something.
He does have a postgraduate degree, he earned a doctorate in Optometry, and he's licensed in the state of Utah as A DOCTOR!
Well, tell your fancy PhD to call me and explain to me why they can't make unbreakable glasses. Will you? Can he call me and tell me why they can't have a polymer hinge? I'll just need five minutes of him talking. I'll just listen. I just want your doctor to explain to me why every pair of glasses is a piece of crap.
Sure. What's your name?
---- -----
And your phone number?
--- ----
And who referred you to us?
No, I'm not going to tell you. I know you must all ready think I'm an asshole. I don't want you to get mad at the person who referred me. Just have the doctor call me.
Ok...*click*
WHEW!
Well, dad called back and was immediately barraged by the man's conspiracy theories. Like how Dentists won't tell you to floss so that you have to keep coming back to them. Dad warned him right then not to get off topic or he would hang up. But still, it was mostly the guy talking and my dad trying to get a word in. Despite the fact that he can "talk circles" around my dad when it comes to Quantum Mechanics, eventually he was convinced that there is no such thing as unbreakable glasses. And that was that. And he also told my dad that I was a good boy. Weird!
