Well, the self-analysis continues to reveal more secrets. I'm now able to accurately describe the very core of what drives my perfectionism. For some reason (yet to be discovered), I derive great joy from organizing chaos. And it's not that I have to have everything all in it's perfect order, but instead, I relish the opportunities and challenges that arise every time I'm faced with something that doesn't fit my scheme. I kept starting and re-starting new games of Civilization or SimCity, and my goal was never to see the actual game to completion, but instead, to try to achieve the most balanced cities and efficient use of the fractal terrain. Weird. I also love categorizing my songs on iTunes. Man, this is even why I kept re-recording drums for my album - I wanted every single note to have some sort of precedent or counterpart in another song.
Organizing every last set of data on College Football teams was part of this obsession as well. Of course, it ended up unraveling the illusion of the fairness of the sport. But is that such a bad thing? Probably not.
I've also been very eagerly working out the arrangements to paint the planets on the ceiling of my boy's room. The diameters and orbits of the four inner planets are proportional to each other, as are the outer planets. But the scales between the two sets are different (for practicality reasons). Also, each planet will be placed in its location along its orbit for February 2010. The amount of trigonometry involved to achieve this was surprisingly fun for me, and I found myself laying awake, running all the calculations in my head. (I had memorized roughly the tangents of 15 and 30 degrees, as well as the dimensions of the room, and the planets' positions.) 1 2 3 5 15 30 60 90 Those are the approximate intervals of the planets' orbits.
So, what does this mean? Well, nothing. Just another puzzle piece. I am definitely figuring myself out, even if I'm not all the way there yet. One thing that does make me sad though is the realization that this sort of fun is what has usually driven me to find "alone time." As much as I love my friends and family, I find myself striving to make time to be alone. And with that time, I rarely "relax" in the common use of the term. It's the times when I really get to put my brain to the test.
Whoa... I hadn't realized that until I'd written it. That's a MAJOR motivating factor for me. If I don't feel as though my intellectual capacity is being put to the test, I feel bored, restless, even agitated. Oh strange. This is why I can't stand to sit through a movie or show or even football game without having something else going. I feel like it's a monumental waste of my time.
Oh, this idea definitely has ramifications.
Ah, I can't type as fast as I can think! I just thought that one of the challenges I've enjoyed lately is teaching myself to understand the properties and applications of electricity. Of course, as I learned, I was quick to re-organize this information into a form that was easy for me to understand and to explain to others. I'm seeing a couple of my tendencies showing here: my need to challenge myself, my love of organizing information out of chaos, my desire to teach, and my attempt to understand all that is understandable.
Well, I'll be damned. It is all connected, isn't it? Like the crystal lattice of a diamond.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Change the World!
I don't even know why I ramble incoherently on here. It's nonsense. But it's what's going through my head. And these thoughts will disappear if I don't get them down.
But I guess that's the hang-up I have. Who cares if they disappear? Nothing lasts forever. Certainly not thoughts. Or moments of passion, frustration, melancholy, or peace. Yet I try to hold on to them, preserve them. Why?
Even my first blogs on here since I started again this year concerned the concept of remembering everything. I feel a sort of sympathy for things that have been forgotten. Nostalgic memories are always accompanied by a morose feeling of loss.
I was a little bit of a pack-rat when I was younger. I remember feeling sorry for the things I had to throw away. I missed them. Somehow I overcame the anxiety of saying goodbye to things, but obviously I have not learned to do the same with memories.
In my life, I wonder if this feeling is in any way connected to my [former?] lust for fame and recognition. It's as if I myself fear becoming lost and forgotten in time. (I just realized that my memory theory of the afterlife is probably strongly influenced by this!) There's something else, though, too.
I was listening to Harvey Danger and If At First while painting the baby's room today. And I couldn't help being overcome with a feeling of injustice. The lyrics, the music, and most importantly, the strong emotions their songs conjured up; these artists deserve to be more well respected by the world. They are giving the world a great gift, and yet are drowned out by Nickelback and Hannah Montana.
Hmm... that also refers back to those first blogs. The idea of the important information of our time becoming buried under all the worthless garbage. How very interesting. I guess I'm starting to see a little bit of return on my investment in writing these blogs, because I might not have made that connection had this just all been passing thoughts.
Well, anyways, the feeling of injustice applies to me as well. It's well beyond the boundaries of humility to say this, but I believe that I too have a great gift for music that needs to be shared with the world. And that I am not giving my one and only life the full benefit of my efforts if I don't get that music out there.
It's also like how lately I've been questioning my own desire to understand all that is understandable. Since we all distort reality in our perceptions, I will never be able to truly understand another human being. So what good will come of it? I don't know. I realized that for some reason, the unconscious goal of this undertaking was supposed to help bring enlightenment to the world. So, just like with my music, I think that I am somehow destined to alter the course of mankind.
Yeah, but I'm still humble.
No, that's the thing, is when I realize what it is that I'm secretly pining for, I step back and say "What? You know you'll never accomplish that!" Nevertheless, the feeling cannot be denied. Nor, I suppose, can it ever be satiated. Because I all ready have altered the course of mankind. I've added my voice to the eternal chorus, I've woven my thread into the great tapestry. I've helped to create life, and I've helped to share joy. So, crazy inner voice, what more do you want from me?!
Shoot, even if I'm famous, the extent of that fame couldn't be accurately measured until after I'm dead. A lot of good it will do me then.
So, great. I've just figured myself out. Go me. Now what?
But I guess that's the hang-up I have. Who cares if they disappear? Nothing lasts forever. Certainly not thoughts. Or moments of passion, frustration, melancholy, or peace. Yet I try to hold on to them, preserve them. Why?
Even my first blogs on here since I started again this year concerned the concept of remembering everything. I feel a sort of sympathy for things that have been forgotten. Nostalgic memories are always accompanied by a morose feeling of loss.
I was a little bit of a pack-rat when I was younger. I remember feeling sorry for the things I had to throw away. I missed them. Somehow I overcame the anxiety of saying goodbye to things, but obviously I have not learned to do the same with memories.
In my life, I wonder if this feeling is in any way connected to my [former?] lust for fame and recognition. It's as if I myself fear becoming lost and forgotten in time. (I just realized that my memory theory of the afterlife is probably strongly influenced by this!) There's something else, though, too.
I was listening to Harvey Danger and If At First while painting the baby's room today. And I couldn't help being overcome with a feeling of injustice. The lyrics, the music, and most importantly, the strong emotions their songs conjured up; these artists deserve to be more well respected by the world. They are giving the world a great gift, and yet are drowned out by Nickelback and Hannah Montana.
Hmm... that also refers back to those first blogs. The idea of the important information of our time becoming buried under all the worthless garbage. How very interesting. I guess I'm starting to see a little bit of return on my investment in writing these blogs, because I might not have made that connection had this just all been passing thoughts.
Well, anyways, the feeling of injustice applies to me as well. It's well beyond the boundaries of humility to say this, but I believe that I too have a great gift for music that needs to be shared with the world. And that I am not giving my one and only life the full benefit of my efforts if I don't get that music out there.
It's also like how lately I've been questioning my own desire to understand all that is understandable. Since we all distort reality in our perceptions, I will never be able to truly understand another human being. So what good will come of it? I don't know. I realized that for some reason, the unconscious goal of this undertaking was supposed to help bring enlightenment to the world. So, just like with my music, I think that I am somehow destined to alter the course of mankind.
Yeah, but I'm still humble.
No, that's the thing, is when I realize what it is that I'm secretly pining for, I step back and say "What? You know you'll never accomplish that!" Nevertheless, the feeling cannot be denied. Nor, I suppose, can it ever be satiated. Because I all ready have altered the course of mankind. I've added my voice to the eternal chorus, I've woven my thread into the great tapestry. I've helped to create life, and I've helped to share joy. So, crazy inner voice, what more do you want from me?!
Shoot, even if I'm famous, the extent of that fame couldn't be accurately measured until after I'm dead. A lot of good it will do me then.
So, great. I've just figured myself out. Go me. Now what?
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Alternating Current!
My idea of time being able to flow backwards was too simple. What if time alternates forwards and backwards constantly, like alternating electric current? Our brains are then diodes that only apprehend and record "forward" movement. It makes me wonder if gravity is nothing more than the basic expansion of the universe working in negative time.
That of course makes a HUGE assumption that the natural "forward" movement in time is expansion, but that would tie in with my idea of the contraction of the universe as being anti-entropy, and therefore backwards in time. None of this makes sense, of course.
This would probably redefine "motion" anyways. What is it? Since our universe is always in motion, even when you are stopped, you are still moving in some direction. You can never be still. Unless, maybe you center the universe within your own mind, and let everything move relative to it.
But then, could you ever be in motion?
I suppose this still leads back to the answer that the universe only truly exists within your perception. Is there anything such as truth?
That of course makes a HUGE assumption that the natural "forward" movement in time is expansion, but that would tie in with my idea of the contraction of the universe as being anti-entropy, and therefore backwards in time. None of this makes sense, of course.
This would probably redefine "motion" anyways. What is it? Since our universe is always in motion, even when you are stopped, you are still moving in some direction. You can never be still. Unless, maybe you center the universe within your own mind, and let everything move relative to it.
But then, could you ever be in motion?
I suppose this still leads back to the answer that the universe only truly exists within your perception. Is there anything such as truth?
Saturday, October 24, 2009
ESPN sucks
They're the Fox News of sports. Good god, the amount of biased idiocy spewing from their mouths is intolerable. Desmond Howard comes on ESPN's local affiliate station, which also happens to be the Utes broadcasting network, and says he doesn't respect the Utah or the Mountain West because "you need consistency." Die.
The stats are even available on ESPN's website, Howard! You nincompoop. How's this for consistency? 2003-2008, the Utes have gone 59-16, and won a bowl game every year. They have the longest active bowl winning streak, one of the top winning percentages over that span, one Heisman trophy finalist (and #1 overall draft pick), two Head Coach of the Year Awards, and they are one of only four teams to have achieved an undefeated season; the ONLY one to do it TWICE.
Take your ESPN/BCS propaganda and shove it. Idiot.
The stats are even available on ESPN's website, Howard! You nincompoop. How's this for consistency? 2003-2008, the Utes have gone 59-16, and won a bowl game every year. They have the longest active bowl winning streak, one of the top winning percentages over that span, one Heisman trophy finalist (and #1 overall draft pick), two Head Coach of the Year Awards, and they are one of only four teams to have achieved an undefeated season; the ONLY one to do it TWICE.
Take your ESPN/BCS propaganda and shove it. Idiot.
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Another Puzzle Piece!
There's not enough time to explore the ramifications right now, but I learned that all humans distort their perception of reality in order to cope with it. What this means immediately is that if the mind isn't bound to the limits of reality, then it becomes a variable in the mathematical equation of the universe. Even if time flows forward or backward, and all things can be mathematically explained as both the cause and/or the effect of an action (depending on which time flows), the mind can change its state upon reiteration. Basically it's the human "free will" working against the godly "destiny."
More later.
More later.
Thursday, October 01, 2009
Why I Want To Re-Record My Album!
My album, how I loathe you. Let me ennumerate the ways.
1. The vocals. When I used to record my voice, I would do it the music playing loud in my headphones. As a result, I moved myself closer to the microphone, but lowered my volume. It wasn't natural. So, for the album, I recorded all the vocals "live" while playing guitar or piano. Unfortunately, I compensated for the volume of the piano by pushing my voice too hard and closing up my throat. I've since discovered a way to more successfully record my voice naturally, but I can't overdub it on to the ADAT, since it was recorded live and the original vocals have bled onto the piano tracks.
2. The bass. The bass was the first thing I recorded, and back then I didn't even know I'd be getting a better one. All the songs are played on my Peavey Milestone II, except "Gravity" which features my new custom built bass. The difference in quality couldn't be any clearer to me. It's so much thicker and well intoned. Every song deserves it.
3. The mix. I was under the impression to downplay the drums, not let the bass overpower the mix, and fit the vocals in amongst the prominent acoustic guitars and pianos. That was wrong. It gives the album a fat middle, but very little highs and lows. I should have pulled the guitars and pianos further back (especially when performing rhythm parts) and created more depth. One song that the mixing is on the right path is "When I Dream About You." I'd like to use that has a starting point.
4. The EQ. My vocals didn't even sound so bad once the right EQ was applied. The only problem was that I transferred all of the tracks from the ADAT to the Akai completely "flat," thinking that I could apply EQ later on with the Akai. But the Akai's digital EQ was shockingly bad. If you boost or cut any frequency by more than just a a few dBs, a horrible fluttery static noise would appear when the volume spiked. It was totally unacceptable, and apparently a design flaw. So I tweaked each frequency as much as I could push it, but my hands were tied. I could have made more out of what I had, but it wasn't meant to be.
1. The vocals. When I used to record my voice, I would do it the music playing loud in my headphones. As a result, I moved myself closer to the microphone, but lowered my volume. It wasn't natural. So, for the album, I recorded all the vocals "live" while playing guitar or piano. Unfortunately, I compensated for the volume of the piano by pushing my voice too hard and closing up my throat. I've since discovered a way to more successfully record my voice naturally, but I can't overdub it on to the ADAT, since it was recorded live and the original vocals have bled onto the piano tracks.
2. The bass. The bass was the first thing I recorded, and back then I didn't even know I'd be getting a better one. All the songs are played on my Peavey Milestone II, except "Gravity" which features my new custom built bass. The difference in quality couldn't be any clearer to me. It's so much thicker and well intoned. Every song deserves it.
3. The mix. I was under the impression to downplay the drums, not let the bass overpower the mix, and fit the vocals in amongst the prominent acoustic guitars and pianos. That was wrong. It gives the album a fat middle, but very little highs and lows. I should have pulled the guitars and pianos further back (especially when performing rhythm parts) and created more depth. One song that the mixing is on the right path is "When I Dream About You." I'd like to use that has a starting point.
4. The EQ. My vocals didn't even sound so bad once the right EQ was applied. The only problem was that I transferred all of the tracks from the ADAT to the Akai completely "flat," thinking that I could apply EQ later on with the Akai. But the Akai's digital EQ was shockingly bad. If you boost or cut any frequency by more than just a a few dBs, a horrible fluttery static noise would appear when the volume spiked. It was totally unacceptable, and apparently a design flaw. So I tweaked each frequency as much as I could push it, but my hands were tied. I could have made more out of what I had, but it wasn't meant to be.
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
To Understand All That Is Understandable
I've had so much to say. SO much. But I haven't had time to blog it. Because I'm spending every possible minute trying to learn everything I can. But my philosophy about learning is changing. It all goes back to studying college football.
I spent weeks this summer analyzing every last possible bit of information I could gather on every team in NCAA Division 1 Bowl Subdivision. It started off as an exercise in predicting teams' future seasons, then evolved into rectifying the facts with the pre-season poll, then evolved into a greater understanding of the mechanics of the sport. As I zoomed out on the picture, the corruption and collusion became clearer and clearer. And it doused my love for the sport.
But more importantly, I went from knowing to understanding. I could quote every statistic imaginable, but I was still under the illusion that it was a fair sport. Upon reaching awareness of the evil heart of college football, the importance of the details withered away. I had achieved enlightenment, in a way.
And so my quest to learn all that is learnable has changed. It is now to understand all that is understandable.
Can it only be acheived from learning all that is learnable though? I don't know. Perhaps not. We'll see. I'm trying to start my journey by grasping the history of civilization. From it's earliest beginnings, down through the years, across the continents, to here and now. Maybe I need to start with nature, but I feel confident so far in the lessons I've taken from it.
Namely, that the essence of life is to preserve life. Without that principle, the planet doesn't work. And while warring tribes and cultures are similar to rival packs of wild animals, a healthy equilibrium has not been reached. Why not? Something about civilization has gotten in our way. I don't know what yet. I intend to find out.
At any rate, my meta-understanding is evolving as well. I'm a visual learner, and I need to see differences and similarities quantified in order to grasp them. I need a complete and scaled timeline to understand the length of civilized history. So, I haven't been blogging because I've been attempting to compile one.
Also, I need an orrery that is at once massive yet easily comprehensible.
I spent weeks this summer analyzing every last possible bit of information I could gather on every team in NCAA Division 1 Bowl Subdivision. It started off as an exercise in predicting teams' future seasons, then evolved into rectifying the facts with the pre-season poll, then evolved into a greater understanding of the mechanics of the sport. As I zoomed out on the picture, the corruption and collusion became clearer and clearer. And it doused my love for the sport.
But more importantly, I went from knowing to understanding. I could quote every statistic imaginable, but I was still under the illusion that it was a fair sport. Upon reaching awareness of the evil heart of college football, the importance of the details withered away. I had achieved enlightenment, in a way.
And so my quest to learn all that is learnable has changed. It is now to understand all that is understandable.
Can it only be acheived from learning all that is learnable though? I don't know. Perhaps not. We'll see. I'm trying to start my journey by grasping the history of civilization. From it's earliest beginnings, down through the years, across the continents, to here and now. Maybe I need to start with nature, but I feel confident so far in the lessons I've taken from it.
Namely, that the essence of life is to preserve life. Without that principle, the planet doesn't work. And while warring tribes and cultures are similar to rival packs of wild animals, a healthy equilibrium has not been reached. Why not? Something about civilization has gotten in our way. I don't know what yet. I intend to find out.
At any rate, my meta-understanding is evolving as well. I'm a visual learner, and I need to see differences and similarities quantified in order to grasp them. I need a complete and scaled timeline to understand the length of civilized history. So, I haven't been blogging because I've been attempting to compile one.
Also, I need an orrery that is at once massive yet easily comprehensible.
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Why won't anybody listen to me?!
What the hell? I know what I'm talking about, so shut up and listen all ready. Did you know I called in to a radio talk show to totally pwn the hosts, but they didn't even get the point? No? Well, I did. They were saying that a Michigan judge should be fired because he claims he didn't know that a woman in his courtroom was wearing a headscarf for religious reasons when he asked her to remove it. Their claim was that the judge is either a racist or too stupid to realize that Muslims wear headscarves. I called in to tell them that not all Muslim women have to wear headscarves all the time, and so it's quite possible the judge was simply unsure in this case.
The freaking radio morons didn't even have a clue what I was saying. Their response was "Everybody has a different way of expressing their religion, and they should have the right to!" I tried to explain that they had failed to grasp my point, but they cut me off. Freaking worthless idiots.
And I've completely begun ignoring politics. What a mindrotting joke. For me, it was when Sarah Palin was claiming that Obama was organizing "Death Panels" to determine who gets to live and die that I finally said "Enough! I can't handle these intense levels of stupidity!" So, fine, America. Keep believing these fools. For God's sake, you deserve all the bad things they do to you. I know what's right, what's moral and just, what's wise and prudent. It's pretty darn easy to see. The answer has been there all along, and yet nobody has listened. Well, then screw you. I'm not going to listen to you any more.
Good god, to think that I considered myself open minded to consider the opinions of the right wing talk show hosts. What a fool I was. I listened in to some Michael Savage today, and the time away earned me a new perspective. It's all insidious lies. It's all half-baked logical arguments presented to push a hate-filled agenda. And when a caller wholly pwnt him on his own show, his weasely wimpiness really showed through. What an ass.
How amazing is it that people are fighting against health care reform? It's like, when you learn about the Loyalists in the American Revolution, and you think - jeez, how could anybody have supported the tyrant King? Well, duh. Here we are, with a chance to finally make some real positive change in this country, to help all those who truly need it, and we take to the streets with semi-literate racist picket signs. America's history is pock-marked with protests against fairness. No! Don't End Slavery! No! Don't Let Women Vote! No! Don't Let Races Mix! No! Don't Let Gays Marry!
Just die all ready, jerks. And how these people can consider themselves followers of Christ, I'll never understand. I don't recall Jesus preaching "God Hates Fags." Maybe I got some liberal commie version of the Bible. Because the Jesus I know and love seemed to be putting down a message more like "Do unto others as you would have done unto you." And other Socialist propaganda like that.
Even beyond the religious aspect, this is an unnatural way for humans to exist. In a state of war, fear, and hate? That's not how it's meant to be. The entire meaning of life is to ensure the continuation of your species. If life ever refused to do that, the whole thing would fall apart. All life on the planet relies on this one simple principle. Yet we take an "Every man for himself" philosophy. Are you kidding me? We never EVER would be where we are if the human race always felt that way. A lone human isn't fast enough to hunt with rudimentary weapons, or strong enough to operate a farm. A naked human would barely survive a year in most climates on the planet. Everything we have created for ourselves has come as a result of teamwork and cooperation. And we've become one of the most successful species in the history of the planet. It's something to be proud of. Not something to turn our back upon.
So why are we fighting to ensure that our tax dollars go more towards creating death than preserving life? Damned if I know. I think people are just goddamn stupid.
If they'd listen to me, they'd know better. But it's not going to happen. I don't know why. I was even trying to explain the whole "Why the Utes suddenly look worse" thing to some Utah fans today, and they didn't grasp the concept. Maybe I was talking too fast, and it was a lot of information to get out. I don't know. At any rate, I failed to enlighten them. If only I was able to communicate better. To connect. To put my ideas into their brains.
I guess that's a motivator for me. That must be why I blog and write music and stories and dream of being a teacher. I must have some sort of innate desire to help bring people to my level of understanding. Weird. Well, anyways, it's getting late, so I'm going to end here. More to come next time I have time to write.
The freaking radio morons didn't even have a clue what I was saying. Their response was "Everybody has a different way of expressing their religion, and they should have the right to!" I tried to explain that they had failed to grasp my point, but they cut me off. Freaking worthless idiots.
And I've completely begun ignoring politics. What a mindrotting joke. For me, it was when Sarah Palin was claiming that Obama was organizing "Death Panels" to determine who gets to live and die that I finally said "Enough! I can't handle these intense levels of stupidity!" So, fine, America. Keep believing these fools. For God's sake, you deserve all the bad things they do to you. I know what's right, what's moral and just, what's wise and prudent. It's pretty darn easy to see. The answer has been there all along, and yet nobody has listened. Well, then screw you. I'm not going to listen to you any more.
Good god, to think that I considered myself open minded to consider the opinions of the right wing talk show hosts. What a fool I was. I listened in to some Michael Savage today, and the time away earned me a new perspective. It's all insidious lies. It's all half-baked logical arguments presented to push a hate-filled agenda. And when a caller wholly pwnt him on his own show, his weasely wimpiness really showed through. What an ass.
How amazing is it that people are fighting against health care reform? It's like, when you learn about the Loyalists in the American Revolution, and you think - jeez, how could anybody have supported the tyrant King? Well, duh. Here we are, with a chance to finally make some real positive change in this country, to help all those who truly need it, and we take to the streets with semi-literate racist picket signs. America's history is pock-marked with protests against fairness. No! Don't End Slavery! No! Don't Let Women Vote! No! Don't Let Races Mix! No! Don't Let Gays Marry!
Just die all ready, jerks. And how these people can consider themselves followers of Christ, I'll never understand. I don't recall Jesus preaching "God Hates Fags." Maybe I got some liberal commie version of the Bible. Because the Jesus I know and love seemed to be putting down a message more like "Do unto others as you would have done unto you." And other Socialist propaganda like that.
Even beyond the religious aspect, this is an unnatural way for humans to exist. In a state of war, fear, and hate? That's not how it's meant to be. The entire meaning of life is to ensure the continuation of your species. If life ever refused to do that, the whole thing would fall apart. All life on the planet relies on this one simple principle. Yet we take an "Every man for himself" philosophy. Are you kidding me? We never EVER would be where we are if the human race always felt that way. A lone human isn't fast enough to hunt with rudimentary weapons, or strong enough to operate a farm. A naked human would barely survive a year in most climates on the planet. Everything we have created for ourselves has come as a result of teamwork and cooperation. And we've become one of the most successful species in the history of the planet. It's something to be proud of. Not something to turn our back upon.
So why are we fighting to ensure that our tax dollars go more towards creating death than preserving life? Damned if I know. I think people are just goddamn stupid.
If they'd listen to me, they'd know better. But it's not going to happen. I don't know why. I was even trying to explain the whole "Why the Utes suddenly look worse" thing to some Utah fans today, and they didn't grasp the concept. Maybe I was talking too fast, and it was a lot of information to get out. I don't know. At any rate, I failed to enlighten them. If only I was able to communicate better. To connect. To put my ideas into their brains.
I guess that's a motivator for me. That must be why I blog and write music and stories and dream of being a teacher. I must have some sort of innate desire to help bring people to my level of understanding. Weird. Well, anyways, it's getting late, so I'm going to end here. More to come next time I have time to write.
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Why the Utes suddenly look worse.
Alot has been made of how the Utes struggled to put away Utah State and San Jose State. Well, first of all, it's frustrating that Ute fans have such short and mediocre memories. The team that blew out Alabama did not play like the same team that squeaked by New Mexico. And Michigan, Oregon State, and TCU were lucky wins. But last year's team, like this year's, had the most important thing going for it - they knew how to pull out a win.
I'm getting fed up with people saying that Utah has looked more average against these WAC opponents. It's like they're not even seeing the same games I am. The biggest difference, the reason why the Utes suddenly look worse, is simply this: Potential Points.
It's a concept that occurred to me a few weeks ago. I figured the Utes had to have led the league in "Missed Field Goals Against" last year, seeing as how many times they lucked out. I never did the research to see how they stacked up against other teams, but I did catalog every missed opportunity that the Utes' opponents had over the course of the season. The results are enlightening.
Last year, the Utes won three games entirely due to opponents leaving points on the field. By that I mean, they were in scoring position and either missed a field goal or a PAT or something along those lines. Oregon State missed one field goal, one PAT, and two 2-pt conversions. That's a total of 8 potential points that the Beavers failed to convert. The Utes only won by 3 points. Likewise, TCU missed two short field goals, 6 potential points, and only lost by 3 again. And how about New Mexico? The Utes blocked one field goal, and ended up winning by 3 points. Potential Points were the difference.
One more example, but a more complicated scenario: Michigan. The Wolverines failed a 2 pt conversion that would have tied the game, but also blocked a Utah PAT (the only kick of any kind Sakoda had blocked last year), so the difference in Potential Points is only 1, and the Utes won by 2.
Out of all the other examples of points left on the field, none of them were significant to the final win margin. But interestingly, if you take into account all missed FGs, PATs, 2 pt conversions, and Turnover-on-Downs in the red zone, Utah opponents let a grand total of 40 Potential Points slip away.
The Utes: 16
A margin of 24 points? That's pretty good. Or pretty lucky. Either way, it means that the Utes were finding ways to win games that they probably shouldn't have.
Now, here's where we come to this year. As of this writing the Utes have played two games. All ready, they have failed to capitalize on 23 Potential Points! In two games! Two turnovers-on-downs at the goal line and three missed field goals have really added up quickly. And on the other side, only 3 points were left on the field when USU missed a Field Goal. So, their margin is at -20 heading in to week three. Is it any wonder they look worse than last year? If Asiata hadn't overthrown Cain in the end zone (yes, you read that right, the RB threw to the QB), and Vroman hadn't gone 0-for-3 on Field Goals, the Utah - San Jose State final score would have been 40-14. Not so bad, eh?
What does it all mean? Well, personally I just don't believe the Utes' luck will hold like it did last year. Like I said, they won a couple of games they shouldn't have. And that's ok. A respectable winning season, hopefully capped off with another bowl win to keep the streak alive, should be enough to keep the fan base happy and the recruits signing on. When will they stumble? I don't know. Hopefully not this week against Oregon. Since conference pride is the latest fad, it would hurt the Utes' reputation more to lose out of conference than in it. I feel confident - unfortunately - that the Utes are bound to drop one game, if not more, this season.
But the point I'm trying to make is that this is still a good team. Still our team that we know and love. So far they've continued the tradition of winning any way possible, even if it's ugly. That's pretty respectable. Don't be impatient, Ute fans. Don't have unattainable expectations. We still have a team to be proud of.
I'm getting fed up with people saying that Utah has looked more average against these WAC opponents. It's like they're not even seeing the same games I am. The biggest difference, the reason why the Utes suddenly look worse, is simply this: Potential Points.
It's a concept that occurred to me a few weeks ago. I figured the Utes had to have led the league in "Missed Field Goals Against" last year, seeing as how many times they lucked out. I never did the research to see how they stacked up against other teams, but I did catalog every missed opportunity that the Utes' opponents had over the course of the season. The results are enlightening.
Last year, the Utes won three games entirely due to opponents leaving points on the field. By that I mean, they were in scoring position and either missed a field goal or a PAT or something along those lines. Oregon State missed one field goal, one PAT, and two 2-pt conversions. That's a total of 8 potential points that the Beavers failed to convert. The Utes only won by 3 points. Likewise, TCU missed two short field goals, 6 potential points, and only lost by 3 again. And how about New Mexico? The Utes blocked one field goal, and ended up winning by 3 points. Potential Points were the difference.
One more example, but a more complicated scenario: Michigan. The Wolverines failed a 2 pt conversion that would have tied the game, but also blocked a Utah PAT (the only kick of any kind Sakoda had blocked last year), so the difference in Potential Points is only 1, and the Utes won by 2.
Out of all the other examples of points left on the field, none of them were significant to the final win margin. But interestingly, if you take into account all missed FGs, PATs, 2 pt conversions, and Turnover-on-Downs in the red zone, Utah opponents let a grand total of 40 Potential Points slip away.
The Utes: 16
A margin of 24 points? That's pretty good. Or pretty lucky. Either way, it means that the Utes were finding ways to win games that they probably shouldn't have.
Now, here's where we come to this year. As of this writing the Utes have played two games. All ready, they have failed to capitalize on 23 Potential Points! In two games! Two turnovers-on-downs at the goal line and three missed field goals have really added up quickly. And on the other side, only 3 points were left on the field when USU missed a Field Goal. So, their margin is at -20 heading in to week three. Is it any wonder they look worse than last year? If Asiata hadn't overthrown Cain in the end zone (yes, you read that right, the RB threw to the QB), and Vroman hadn't gone 0-for-3 on Field Goals, the Utah - San Jose State final score would have been 40-14. Not so bad, eh?
What does it all mean? Well, personally I just don't believe the Utes' luck will hold like it did last year. Like I said, they won a couple of games they shouldn't have. And that's ok. A respectable winning season, hopefully capped off with another bowl win to keep the streak alive, should be enough to keep the fan base happy and the recruits signing on. When will they stumble? I don't know. Hopefully not this week against Oregon. Since conference pride is the latest fad, it would hurt the Utes' reputation more to lose out of conference than in it. I feel confident - unfortunately - that the Utes are bound to drop one game, if not more, this season.
But the point I'm trying to make is that this is still a good team. Still our team that we know and love. So far they've continued the tradition of winning any way possible, even if it's ugly. That's pretty respectable. Don't be impatient, Ute fans. Don't have unattainable expectations. We still have a team to be proud of.
Thursday, September 03, 2009
One more pre-season prediction...
The Utes offense will be no worse this year than last. I certainly understand the expectations of a drop off with the QB and all the WRs gone. But all that will be offset by the fact that Andy Ludwig will no longer be hampering them. Seriously; that guy's crazy schemes slowed Utah down more than any defense they ever faced. I don't feel that I'm exaggerating. His trick plays were ridiculous. He had Johnson trying to wait way too long in the backfield for the receivers to complete their complex routes, and he always tried to move the ball back and forth behind the line of scrimmage before ever going forward. However, when the Utes broke free of his playcalling - the final drives against Oregon State and TCU, and the first three drives of the Sugar Bowl - the results were staggering. Now, part of that had to do with the fact that the sudden change in offensive philosophy took defenses WAY off guard. But most of it had to do with the fact that there was a lot of talent, and they were just moving the ball forward.
So, this year, I think the lack of experience on the offense will hurt, but the better playcalling will help just as much.
On the other hand, I'm very interested to see what Ludwig does to Cal. Heh heh heh. Jahvid Best for Heisman? Probably not. Pac 10 defenses are stocked with quicker players than most MWC teams, and the trickery that had only marginal success for Utah will fail Cal.
So, this year, I think the lack of experience on the offense will hurt, but the better playcalling will help just as much.
On the other hand, I'm very interested to see what Ludwig does to Cal. Heh heh heh. Jahvid Best for Heisman? Probably not. Pac 10 defenses are stocked with quicker players than most MWC teams, and the trickery that had only marginal success for Utah will fail Cal.
Monday, August 24, 2009
Preseason hype!
Ok, so two teams finished last year with double digit wins, BCS bowl victories, and top ten rankings. Both are now replacing their offensive and defensive coordinators. Both lost several defenders to the NFL draft, but still show depth on both sides of the ball. Both are likely starting true freshman at quarterback this fall. Both are bringing in nationally ranked recruiting classes.
But one is ranked 4 and the other 18.
But one is ranked 4 and the other 18.
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Mountain West football
Oh man, I had the best thing to add to the sports radio call in show this afternoon, but the phone line was busy forever. So, I'm going to post it here, because that's what this blog is for.
They were asking what were this season's "Make or Break" games for Utah and BYU. Many people were saying Oregon and Oklahoma, respectively. The hosts said TCU and Florida State. I was going to call in and say Colorado State for Utah. And I'll tell you why.
The point is "Make or Break" not biggest game. And here's the thing; wins at any or all of Oregon, TCU, or BYU would be awesome, but losses at any or even all three would not ruin the season. They're "Make" games, but not break ones. Ute fans know how the hangover after a BCS season feels, and we know that there are some big players and two coordinators gone from that team. (Well, one good coordinator - I think the offensive play-calling will improve without Ludwig. They're going all no-huddle.) Anywho, a 9-3 season, a good bowl game, and 3rd place in the MWC would be totally satisfying.
Now, out of conference, the Utes also play Utah State, at San Jose State, and Louisville. In the MWC, they get Air Force, Wyoming, New Mexico, and San Diego State at home (the last three breaking in new coaches). Honestly, the Utes still have enough talent on both sides of the ball to be favored in those games. Air Force will be a close one, but the Utes should pull it out in front of the home crowd. So, opposite of the other games I mentioned, any of these losses would certainly be "Break" for the season, but none of these wins are "Make."
The Utes will face a talented UNLV team on the road, and there's a good chance of being upset there. Mike Sanford might get them to a bowl this year. But UNLV still hasn't built up the prestige to call this a "Make" game either.
That leaves Colorado State. Perfect "Make or Break" game. On the road against another of the MWC's improving teams. They beat Fresno State in the New Mexico bowl, and even though Gantrell Johnson is gone, they'll still have a potent offense with some very talented WRs. Now, Colorado State has been down a little lately, but Steve Fairchild has got them back on the right track. And I'd say they have the prestige. Now, beating them would secure the Utes' place in (at least) third in the conference. Losing to them... 8-4 and fourth in the MWC? That would be a bit disappointing to Ute fans.
So, in a much less verbose fashion, that was exactly how I was going to enlighten the sports radio world. Damn I'm so smart. I even wrote all that without having to fact-check.
While we're on the subject, I would agree that BYU's "Make or Break" game is Florida State. They're looking for a BCS berth, and so of course every game is a potential "Break." Except Oklahoma. A loss to the Sooners in the first week will not hurt them at all. In fact, it may even help. Odd as that may seem, I'll explain. Last year, TCU lost to Oklahoma early in the season, but still worked their way back up the rankings. Had those point-blank field goals not missed at Utah, they would have been the ones beating down those Alabama losers in the Sugar Bowl. There was even talk about would TCU be the first one-loss BCS buster. Well, BYU has the chance to create that same buzz. Make a good showing against Oklahoma, even in a loss, and then go undefeated from there, and they're in.
But they've got to beat Florida State. Undefeated in the MWC is almost good enough to voters, but a win over a nationally regarded team like the Seminoles would put the loss to Oklahoma out of the voters minds, and set BYU back on the path towards the BCS. Lose to FSU, and even an undefeated MWC season wouldn't satisfy the Cougars.
Blah blah blah. I love college football.
By the way, here's my breakdown of the coaches poll:
1. Florida - yeah, can't argue there. Boring.
2. Texas and 3. Oklahoma - I'm not so sure these two will be duking it out over the Big XII south like last year. I have a feeling one of them will drop a game. I just don't know which.
4. USC - rocks as usual. Will inexplicably lose another Pac-10 game as usual.
5. Alabama - Nick Saban sucks. We'll see.
6. Ohio State - They've got to win the big games.
7. Virginia Tech - Without their running back, they might not live up to this expectation
8. Penn State - Offensive line is a big problem. It will be their downfall.
9. LSU - They could surprise. But it would be just that - a surprise.
10. Mississippi - Classic case of a big bowl win for an ok team suddenly making them seem awesome. I hate to be this negative, but I have a feeling they're very overrated.
11. Oklahoma State - Too bad the Big XII South is so powerful, because this is a heck of a good team that probably will be better than their final record would suggest.
12. California - Weird. I'm not as impressed by Jahvid Best as everyone else. But I could be wrong.
13. Georgia - What a schedule. Arizona State, Oklahoma State, and Georgia Tech (and Tennessee Tech) out of conference. And they drew Arkansas, Auburn, and LSU from the West. Sheesh.
14. Oregon - Just like Penn State, their offense won't live up to it's potential with the questions on the O-Line.
15. Georgia Tech - I'm big on Paul Johnson and his rushing attack. But their OOC schedule has to be the toughest in the nation - 3 SEC teams?!
16. Boise State - A win over Oregon might be big enough to get the voters to overlook the rest of the schedule. 2 MAC teams, a D-1AA and a Malzahn-less Tulsa, in addition to the not-so-hot WAC.
17. TCU - Possibly a #1 defense again this year. If everything comes out as predicted, it will come down to the BYU game to determine which team goes to the BCS.
18. Utah - Koa Misi out for the year. Damn.
19. Florida State - The rest of the ACC has really caught up to them. I wonder if they can remain on top.
20. North Carolina - I like where Butch has them going, but I'm not quite ready to say they're there yet.
21. Iowa - The loss of Shonn Greene will be pretty big. I can't say how well the offense will continue on.
22. Nebraska - Maybe it's one year too early, but this could definitely be the season for the Huskers to reclaim the North.
23. Notre Dame - They're just biding their time until Meyer is available.
24. Brigham Young - Boo.
25. Oregon State - I like this team, but I can't really foresee them making it to the Rose Bowl.
All right that's it. Goodnight.
They were asking what were this season's "Make or Break" games for Utah and BYU. Many people were saying Oregon and Oklahoma, respectively. The hosts said TCU and Florida State. I was going to call in and say Colorado State for Utah. And I'll tell you why.
The point is "Make or Break" not biggest game. And here's the thing; wins at any or all of Oregon, TCU, or BYU would be awesome, but losses at any or even all three would not ruin the season. They're "Make" games, but not break ones. Ute fans know how the hangover after a BCS season feels, and we know that there are some big players and two coordinators gone from that team. (Well, one good coordinator - I think the offensive play-calling will improve without Ludwig. They're going all no-huddle.) Anywho, a 9-3 season, a good bowl game, and 3rd place in the MWC would be totally satisfying.
Now, out of conference, the Utes also play Utah State, at San Jose State, and Louisville. In the MWC, they get Air Force, Wyoming, New Mexico, and San Diego State at home (the last three breaking in new coaches). Honestly, the Utes still have enough talent on both sides of the ball to be favored in those games. Air Force will be a close one, but the Utes should pull it out in front of the home crowd. So, opposite of the other games I mentioned, any of these losses would certainly be "Break" for the season, but none of these wins are "Make."
The Utes will face a talented UNLV team on the road, and there's a good chance of being upset there. Mike Sanford might get them to a bowl this year. But UNLV still hasn't built up the prestige to call this a "Make" game either.
That leaves Colorado State. Perfect "Make or Break" game. On the road against another of the MWC's improving teams. They beat Fresno State in the New Mexico bowl, and even though Gantrell Johnson is gone, they'll still have a potent offense with some very talented WRs. Now, Colorado State has been down a little lately, but Steve Fairchild has got them back on the right track. And I'd say they have the prestige. Now, beating them would secure the Utes' place in (at least) third in the conference. Losing to them... 8-4 and fourth in the MWC? That would be a bit disappointing to Ute fans.
So, in a much less verbose fashion, that was exactly how I was going to enlighten the sports radio world. Damn I'm so smart. I even wrote all that without having to fact-check.
While we're on the subject, I would agree that BYU's "Make or Break" game is Florida State. They're looking for a BCS berth, and so of course every game is a potential "Break." Except Oklahoma. A loss to the Sooners in the first week will not hurt them at all. In fact, it may even help. Odd as that may seem, I'll explain. Last year, TCU lost to Oklahoma early in the season, but still worked their way back up the rankings. Had those point-blank field goals not missed at Utah, they would have been the ones beating down those Alabama losers in the Sugar Bowl. There was even talk about would TCU be the first one-loss BCS buster. Well, BYU has the chance to create that same buzz. Make a good showing against Oklahoma, even in a loss, and then go undefeated from there, and they're in.
But they've got to beat Florida State. Undefeated in the MWC is almost good enough to voters, but a win over a nationally regarded team like the Seminoles would put the loss to Oklahoma out of the voters minds, and set BYU back on the path towards the BCS. Lose to FSU, and even an undefeated MWC season wouldn't satisfy the Cougars.
Blah blah blah. I love college football.
By the way, here's my breakdown of the coaches poll:
1. Florida - yeah, can't argue there. Boring.
2. Texas and 3. Oklahoma - I'm not so sure these two will be duking it out over the Big XII south like last year. I have a feeling one of them will drop a game. I just don't know which.
4. USC - rocks as usual. Will inexplicably lose another Pac-10 game as usual.
5. Alabama - Nick Saban sucks. We'll see.
6. Ohio State - They've got to win the big games.
7. Virginia Tech - Without their running back, they might not live up to this expectation
8. Penn State - Offensive line is a big problem. It will be their downfall.
9. LSU - They could surprise. But it would be just that - a surprise.
10. Mississippi - Classic case of a big bowl win for an ok team suddenly making them seem awesome. I hate to be this negative, but I have a feeling they're very overrated.
11. Oklahoma State - Too bad the Big XII South is so powerful, because this is a heck of a good team that probably will be better than their final record would suggest.
12. California - Weird. I'm not as impressed by Jahvid Best as everyone else. But I could be wrong.
13. Georgia - What a schedule. Arizona State, Oklahoma State, and Georgia Tech (and Tennessee Tech) out of conference. And they drew Arkansas, Auburn, and LSU from the West. Sheesh.
14. Oregon - Just like Penn State, their offense won't live up to it's potential with the questions on the O-Line.
15. Georgia Tech - I'm big on Paul Johnson and his rushing attack. But their OOC schedule has to be the toughest in the nation - 3 SEC teams?!
16. Boise State - A win over Oregon might be big enough to get the voters to overlook the rest of the schedule. 2 MAC teams, a D-1AA and a Malzahn-less Tulsa, in addition to the not-so-hot WAC.
17. TCU - Possibly a #1 defense again this year. If everything comes out as predicted, it will come down to the BYU game to determine which team goes to the BCS.
18. Utah - Koa Misi out for the year. Damn.
19. Florida State - The rest of the ACC has really caught up to them. I wonder if they can remain on top.
20. North Carolina - I like where Butch has them going, but I'm not quite ready to say they're there yet.
21. Iowa - The loss of Shonn Greene will be pretty big. I can't say how well the offense will continue on.
22. Nebraska - Maybe it's one year too early, but this could definitely be the season for the Huskers to reclaim the North.
23. Notre Dame - They're just biding their time until Meyer is available.
24. Brigham Young - Boo.
25. Oregon State - I like this team, but I can't really foresee them making it to the Rose Bowl.
All right that's it. Goodnight.
Thursday, August 06, 2009
The album!
Well, it has finally happened. I have an album. Wow. It's something I always dreamed of, and so in its own way, this is very important to me. But I'm trying to remain humble about it.
First of all, it's a little disappointing. I really don't like the sound of my own voice. So it's more difficult than I had expected to promote it. I'm shy about it. Obviously, my voice sounds much fuller in my head, and well in tune. It grates on my ears to hear it so thin and out of key when I hear it on record.
On the other hand, it's fun to finally hear each song as I've always imagined. Some things work even better than I had hoped, others not so much. Just Let Me Go is beautiful and poignant and yearning, I think. Gravity is prettier than I ever thought it would be. Alone rocks. And When I Dream About You is my favorite track on the album. It's so funky and mysterious. It's better than I had ever hoped.
Olivia, though... Eesh. It doesn't work. Making Friends Is Easy sounds overdone, and The Girl I Love doesn't quite come alive. Oh well. What can I do now? Nothing. I'm too tired to go check the quote precisely, but the Tao Te Ching says "Do your work, then let go. The only way to make anything that lasts."
Almost all these songs were written September-November 2002. Making Friends Is Easy, The Girl I Love, Olivia, Gravity, There's Truth In This Yet, and Esprit D'Escalier were all written while I lived in the dorm. (As well as several songs I'm putting on the second album). That's What I'm Here For was written the summer before that, and Just Let Me Go the summer after. Thunderweasel was written before I was married. Tony wrote the lyrics to When I Dream About You in '99 and I completed the music in Long Beach in 2000. And Alone was written entirely in one afternoon in the summer of 1999. It turned 10 years old as of this recording. Weird.
This was the fourth official attempt to record the album, and probably the hundredth unofficial one. I first tried in my dad's basement in 2002. The album opened with Summer Of Whenever (remember that one?). The drums for most of the album were probably identical to the current ones, even though I re-programmed the tracks a dozen times.
The second time I tried was at a studio down in Highland. I recorded everything in one take that afternoon, but went back and listened to it and hated the way I was singing. I never went back to work on it any more.
The third time I tried in my basement, with the idea of taking the tracks over to Emily's cousin's studio. But the plans fell through. So, I tried mixing them at my dad's house, but once again, hated my voice, and realized the midi piano I used was no good.
Finally, I started over this April. The drums are fake, but everything else is real. And it's me, playing every instrument, singing every note, and mixing every track. It's quite an accomplishment, and I'm proud of myself for that.
So, there it is. Now, what am I going to do with it?!
First of all, it's a little disappointing. I really don't like the sound of my own voice. So it's more difficult than I had expected to promote it. I'm shy about it. Obviously, my voice sounds much fuller in my head, and well in tune. It grates on my ears to hear it so thin and out of key when I hear it on record.
On the other hand, it's fun to finally hear each song as I've always imagined. Some things work even better than I had hoped, others not so much. Just Let Me Go is beautiful and poignant and yearning, I think. Gravity is prettier than I ever thought it would be. Alone rocks. And When I Dream About You is my favorite track on the album. It's so funky and mysterious. It's better than I had ever hoped.
Olivia, though... Eesh. It doesn't work. Making Friends Is Easy sounds overdone, and The Girl I Love doesn't quite come alive. Oh well. What can I do now? Nothing. I'm too tired to go check the quote precisely, but the Tao Te Ching says "Do your work, then let go. The only way to make anything that lasts."
Almost all these songs were written September-November 2002. Making Friends Is Easy, The Girl I Love, Olivia, Gravity, There's Truth In This Yet, and Esprit D'Escalier were all written while I lived in the dorm. (As well as several songs I'm putting on the second album). That's What I'm Here For was written the summer before that, and Just Let Me Go the summer after. Thunderweasel was written before I was married. Tony wrote the lyrics to When I Dream About You in '99 and I completed the music in Long Beach in 2000. And Alone was written entirely in one afternoon in the summer of 1999. It turned 10 years old as of this recording. Weird.
This was the fourth official attempt to record the album, and probably the hundredth unofficial one. I first tried in my dad's basement in 2002. The album opened with Summer Of Whenever (remember that one?). The drums for most of the album were probably identical to the current ones, even though I re-programmed the tracks a dozen times.
The second time I tried was at a studio down in Highland. I recorded everything in one take that afternoon, but went back and listened to it and hated the way I was singing. I never went back to work on it any more.
The third time I tried in my basement, with the idea of taking the tracks over to Emily's cousin's studio. But the plans fell through. So, I tried mixing them at my dad's house, but once again, hated my voice, and realized the midi piano I used was no good.
Finally, I started over this April. The drums are fake, but everything else is real. And it's me, playing every instrument, singing every note, and mixing every track. It's quite an accomplishment, and I'm proud of myself for that.
So, there it is. Now, what am I going to do with it?!
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Neuro-Trippin'
So, today was my first encounter with an ADD drug. I know it's the popular thing to have ADD, and I hate doing anything popular. But then, you look at my academic career, and it makes sense. I have a passion for learning, yet I was hardly able to graduate high school, and seven tries at college hardly resulted in any completed courses. I'm a failure at the one thing I've always wanted to excel at.
I don't even know what led me to discuss it with my doctor, but when I did, I unexpectedly broke out in tears. It was embarrassing, but I wept uncontrollably as I told her how disappointed I am with myself and how I feel like I had such potential, but was unable to realize it.
So that led me here. I tried my first pill this morning. This was supposed to be slow acting stuff; a couple days to build up before you felt anything. Try a couple hours.
I can't help but think of Fear and Loathing where Hunter describes mescaline taking effect - the first hour was all waiting... then ZANG!
Suddenly I was talking a mile a minute, re-organizing a cluttered mess of used glasses frames, and going above and beyond to help each patient who came in the door. There was nothing I couldn't do, and couldn't do quickly. I felt so energetic, I could take on the world. I was eager to help some of our most troublesome patients. I answered the phones on the first ring and jumped to attention when the front door opened. And when there were no patients I paced back and forth, looking for something else to do.
The whole day went by in a flash. I skipped breakfast. I skipped coffee. I wasn't even hungry for lunch, but I tried to make myself eat. Nope, not hungry. I had about five bites of chicken, then right back to work. My mouth was dry and my head was spinning but it felt so good to have such a rush of energy. Time just raced by, and before I knew it, 5:00 rolled around. But I stayed behind to finish some paperwork, and a patient came in about 5:30 and I happily stayed late to fit her glasses.
I should have been on the ground, writing in starving agony. My stomach has not tolerated hunger well lately. But I was great! I got home, got dressed for the softball game, and left again. No time for the dinner Emily cooked. I wasn't hungry anyways.
At the game, I started getting the numbness in my hands that I've gotten at the last couple big important games. Last week I couldn't complete the game, my hands had gotten so bad. But tonight I just decided to tough through it, and sure enough the feeling faded away.
I stayed late to talk to my dad and uncle and cousin, then ran an errand to Target to get some printer ink. I got back home about 9:20, still nothing in my stomach. Still not hungry.
I made myself eat as much of a baked potato as I could, but it was a struggle. My body didn't want it. I tried some yogurt later, but it was a force-feed. It's now 11:13 and I've been typing madly in the dark.
I'll give this one more try, maybe two. But it's kinda scary it has taken such a hold of me. The positive effects are certainly nice, but maybe this it too much.
I don't even know what led me to discuss it with my doctor, but when I did, I unexpectedly broke out in tears. It was embarrassing, but I wept uncontrollably as I told her how disappointed I am with myself and how I feel like I had such potential, but was unable to realize it.
So that led me here. I tried my first pill this morning. This was supposed to be slow acting stuff; a couple days to build up before you felt anything. Try a couple hours.
I can't help but think of Fear and Loathing where Hunter describes mescaline taking effect - the first hour was all waiting... then ZANG!
Suddenly I was talking a mile a minute, re-organizing a cluttered mess of used glasses frames, and going above and beyond to help each patient who came in the door. There was nothing I couldn't do, and couldn't do quickly. I felt so energetic, I could take on the world. I was eager to help some of our most troublesome patients. I answered the phones on the first ring and jumped to attention when the front door opened. And when there were no patients I paced back and forth, looking for something else to do.
The whole day went by in a flash. I skipped breakfast. I skipped coffee. I wasn't even hungry for lunch, but I tried to make myself eat. Nope, not hungry. I had about five bites of chicken, then right back to work. My mouth was dry and my head was spinning but it felt so good to have such a rush of energy. Time just raced by, and before I knew it, 5:00 rolled around. But I stayed behind to finish some paperwork, and a patient came in about 5:30 and I happily stayed late to fit her glasses.
I should have been on the ground, writing in starving agony. My stomach has not tolerated hunger well lately. But I was great! I got home, got dressed for the softball game, and left again. No time for the dinner Emily cooked. I wasn't hungry anyways.
At the game, I started getting the numbness in my hands that I've gotten at the last couple big important games. Last week I couldn't complete the game, my hands had gotten so bad. But tonight I just decided to tough through it, and sure enough the feeling faded away.
I stayed late to talk to my dad and uncle and cousin, then ran an errand to Target to get some printer ink. I got back home about 9:20, still nothing in my stomach. Still not hungry.
I made myself eat as much of a baked potato as I could, but it was a struggle. My body didn't want it. I tried some yogurt later, but it was a force-feed. It's now 11:13 and I've been typing madly in the dark.
I'll give this one more try, maybe two. But it's kinda scary it has taken such a hold of me. The positive effects are certainly nice, but maybe this it too much.
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Happy Thought For The Day!
You know how when a new CEO takes over a failing business, tries to make it more "profitable?" And then he restructures the company, pulls all the money upward, and squeezes every last dollar out of the business, which the shareholders walk away with as the company goes bankrupt and the employees lose their 401ks?
I REALLY hope that that's not what our government's doing to us right now, because boy does it look like it.
I REALLY hope that that's not what our government's doing to us right now, because boy does it look like it.
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Hello There
Ok, so this is my first post since learning I have readers. Awkward. I'm going to just pretend you're not there.
So, you know when you're driving really fast and then slam on the brakes, you feel as though you're being pulled backward? That's how Emily and Maddy and I feel today. We have been doing so much stuff in so little time - we've been to Disneyland and Seattle in three weeks, as well as the Hogle Zoo and the new Waterpark and the 4th of July Parade a host of other things, all while excitedly anticipating our pregnancy, and I've been building the deck and recording my album, all in just over a month total. Today we're all sitting in different rooms, laying down, watching different tvs. We're forcing ourselves to slow down. And it's making us all feel weird.
2009 will be a memorable year, I hope. I can't really discern the differences between 2006, 2007, 0r 2008 in my memory. I really think that not moving locations has made it difficult for my mind to attach dates to memories. I think that remembering that Italy, the conception of our next child, the deck, kindergarten, and the album all came in 2009 will help to make this a standout year. I've even made a real effort to only listen to albums that have been released this year, in hopes that I can find something that can act as a mile-post in my memory. I hope so. If not, then what? We'll have to move, I guess.
Its weird, but I think I'm beginning to feel the undertow of self-effacing parenthood. That my life is no longer about me, it's only about my child. It actually comes as a great relief to learn that acquaintances think of me as a nerd. Because that means that there is still enough quirky personality left in me to shine through. I was starting to worry I was becoming bland.
This seems like it's all I think about lately. How odd.
P.S. I don't think I stressed over a single thing while in Seattle. The flight, the car rental, driving around town (even getting lost), making plans, changing plans, packing the most amount of activity into every day... I should have been a wreck. But I wasn't. I don't know what that's all about.
P.P.S. I'm kinda jealous of singers who go crazy with their vocals. Any time I try to sing cool or breathy or hoarse, it seems to me like I'm just faking it and I'm too honest to actually sing like anything other than little old me.
So, you know when you're driving really fast and then slam on the brakes, you feel as though you're being pulled backward? That's how Emily and Maddy and I feel today. We have been doing so much stuff in so little time - we've been to Disneyland and Seattle in three weeks, as well as the Hogle Zoo and the new Waterpark and the 4th of July Parade a host of other things, all while excitedly anticipating our pregnancy, and I've been building the deck and recording my album, all in just over a month total. Today we're all sitting in different rooms, laying down, watching different tvs. We're forcing ourselves to slow down. And it's making us all feel weird.
2009 will be a memorable year, I hope. I can't really discern the differences between 2006, 2007, 0r 2008 in my memory. I really think that not moving locations has made it difficult for my mind to attach dates to memories. I think that remembering that Italy, the conception of our next child, the deck, kindergarten, and the album all came in 2009 will help to make this a standout year. I've even made a real effort to only listen to albums that have been released this year, in hopes that I can find something that can act as a mile-post in my memory. I hope so. If not, then what? We'll have to move, I guess.
Its weird, but I think I'm beginning to feel the undertow of self-effacing parenthood. That my life is no longer about me, it's only about my child. It actually comes as a great relief to learn that acquaintances think of me as a nerd. Because that means that there is still enough quirky personality left in me to shine through. I was starting to worry I was becoming bland.
This seems like it's all I think about lately. How odd.
P.S. I don't think I stressed over a single thing while in Seattle. The flight, the car rental, driving around town (even getting lost), making plans, changing plans, packing the most amount of activity into every day... I should have been a wreck. But I wasn't. I don't know what that's all about.
P.P.S. I'm kinda jealous of singers who go crazy with their vocals. Any time I try to sing cool or breathy or hoarse, it seems to me like I'm just faking it and I'm too honest to actually sing like anything other than little old me.
Monday, July 06, 2009
The Free Market
A big problem for me lately is the division between what is ethical and what is profitable. I feel almost like I expect those in the situation to make the moral choice, even if it means less money. But they never do.
In defense of greed over integrity, I've heard the free market get blamed. The power lies with the people, right? Then why do people chose to support companies that are, in fact, hurting them by means of pollution or outsourcing or other similar means?
There's a distinction between Democracy and mob rule. Hammurabi's code of laws was established "so that the strong should not harm the weak." Or, Larry Flynt once said something to the effect that you must have minority protection in a majority rule state, "because you can't have five wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for dinner."
So, should the free market be that free? Even if we're chosing inconsequential coverage of Michael Jackson's death over potentially life-saving coverage of the revolt in Iran?
I don't have an answer yet, anyway. This requires more thinking.
In defense of greed over integrity, I've heard the free market get blamed. The power lies with the people, right? Then why do people chose to support companies that are, in fact, hurting them by means of pollution or outsourcing or other similar means?
There's a distinction between Democracy and mob rule. Hammurabi's code of laws was established "so that the strong should not harm the weak." Or, Larry Flynt once said something to the effect that you must have minority protection in a majority rule state, "because you can't have five wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for dinner."
So, should the free market be that free? Even if we're chosing inconsequential coverage of Michael Jackson's death over potentially life-saving coverage of the revolt in Iran?
I don't have an answer yet, anyway. This requires more thinking.
Friday, June 12, 2009
The March Hare!
Sheesh. I had an encounter with a real nutbag today. Let me try to replicate the phone conversation. I'll be normal. He'll be italic because he's seriously off balance.
Hello?
William?
This is Christopher.
Can I talk to William?
He's examining a patient right now. Is there something I can help you with?
That means he's there then. In the office. Most white-collar types take Fridays off to go camping.
Yes... he's here today.... What can I help you with?
I was given his name and number by someone at his church. I need to bring my son in to get him some glasses. See, his... mother - and I use that term in a derogotory way - she only buys him these weak little glasses that break all the time. I don't even know why places sell these pieces of trash to people. They're weak little things that fall apart. I need something that will hold together for a young boy. He plays hockey. And there's gotta be something out there that is meant for little boys to be rough with and never break. Like, if they can make cell phones that you can run over with a car, why can't they make glasses out of the same stuff? But they have a scam. They sell you stuff that will break in a year. Like cars today. They sell them to you when they know they're going to break. It's garbage! THEY'RE GARBAGE! And I'm sick of these doctors selling my boy glasses that BREAK ALL THE TIME! I want some that are undesctructable. I don't care if they look good or not. His mother worries about fashion, but I don't care. I'll make him wear them. I know we have to get his eyes measured, and we do that every year or six months or whatever, but we do that and get the glasses and they break in two weeks. We just got his last pair after getting his eye measured and they broke in a couple days. So can we come in there today and get some glasses that WON'T BREAK?!
Well, does he have a prescription, or-
Obviously he needs to get his eyes measured again. Did you not pick that up? His last one was way over a year ago and I know we need to get them checked every couple months. Don't you know that? So, yes, I need you to measure his eyes and make him some glasses that aren't weak pieces of crap that every time something happens his astigmatism lenses come out.
Ok. The doctor is currently booked for two weeks.
*Silence*
You can tell by my silence that I am not too happy about that. Two weeks? I've never heard of such a thing. I've NEVER heard of such a thing! How can he be booked for two weeks?! What would happen in an emergency?! What if I gouged my eyes out?! You wouldn't turn me away IF I WAS BLEEDING! TWO WEEKS?! What does that even mean?!
We have two weeks worth of patients waiting to see him.
For TWO WEEKS?! How long does it even take to get your eyes measured?!
About forty minutes.
For just the one doctor?! You have that many people waiting to see him?
Yes. We have a lot of patients. We're very blessed.
Well, I guess so. The guy who gave me his number sure liked him, so that's why I'm calling. How much does that forty minutes with the doctor cost?
Do you have insurance?
What do you think?! OF COURSE I don't have insurance!
Well, then it will be $95 for the exam. Plus you're looking at about $120 for the frames and $95 for the lenses.
Three hundred dollars? And you have glasses there that won't ever break?
Well... we have glasses here that are well made and have warranties in case of breaking. I've got to tell you, in my experience, you can the most well-made frames on the planet, give them to a young boy, and he'll find a way to break them.
Well he's very good with his glasses. Always puts them in his backpack. He wears them for hockey. And he runs around in them. Gets a little rowdy. But he's good with them. He never will try to break them. They just are crap! They're CRAP! I look at them under a magnifying glass and it's just cheap material they use to build them with. I need something strong for him. Something that could withstand the Space Shuttle taking off. I mean, you don't even understand what they could be making glasses out of. You tell me this: why don't they have a polymer hinge?
Er... a "polymer hinge"--
What's your name?
...Christopher.
Christopher, you don't know much about glasses. I would hope that someone in your field would know all about every kind of glasses out there. There's got to be something stonger out there to make glasses out of. They need to make polymer hinges and coat the astigmatism lenses in it to they stop breaking. You know the stuff on the bottom of the space shuttle? Why can't they make glasses out of that?! I want to be able to hit them with a hammer and they'll be fine! I know they can make them but they'll probably cost a thousand dollars. And we can't all live out there on the East side and so nothing but polish our cars all day. So why can't they make unbreakable lenses that I can afford?! Tell your fancy doctor - and I shouldn't even use that term. He's not even a real doctor, is he?
Yes, he's a doctor.
Does he have a PhD?
He's an O.D.
Listen, I'm from Canada, and up there we don't call someone a doctor unless they have a postgraduate degree. They have to actually be a doctor. They have to have a doctorate of something.
He does have a postgraduate degree, he earned a doctorate in Optometry, and he's licensed in the state of Utah as A DOCTOR!
Well, tell your fancy PhD to call me and explain to me why they can't make unbreakable glasses. Will you? Can he call me and tell me why they can't have a polymer hinge? I'll just need five minutes of him talking. I'll just listen. I just want your doctor to explain to me why every pair of glasses is a piece of crap.
Sure. What's your name?
---- -----
And your phone number?
--- ----
And who referred you to us?
No, I'm not going to tell you. I know you must all ready think I'm an asshole. I don't want you to get mad at the person who referred me. Just have the doctor call me.
Ok...*click*
WHEW!
Well, dad called back and was immediately barraged by the man's conspiracy theories. Like how Dentists won't tell you to floss so that you have to keep coming back to them. Dad warned him right then not to get off topic or he would hang up. But still, it was mostly the guy talking and my dad trying to get a word in. Despite the fact that he can "talk circles" around my dad when it comes to Quantum Mechanics, eventually he was convinced that there is no such thing as unbreakable glasses. And that was that. And he also told my dad that I was a good boy. Weird!
Hello?
William?
This is Christopher.
Can I talk to William?
He's examining a patient right now. Is there something I can help you with?
That means he's there then. In the office. Most white-collar types take Fridays off to go camping.
Yes... he's here today.... What can I help you with?
I was given his name and number by someone at his church. I need to bring my son in to get him some glasses. See, his... mother - and I use that term in a derogotory way - she only buys him these weak little glasses that break all the time. I don't even know why places sell these pieces of trash to people. They're weak little things that fall apart. I need something that will hold together for a young boy. He plays hockey. And there's gotta be something out there that is meant for little boys to be rough with and never break. Like, if they can make cell phones that you can run over with a car, why can't they make glasses out of the same stuff? But they have a scam. They sell you stuff that will break in a year. Like cars today. They sell them to you when they know they're going to break. It's garbage! THEY'RE GARBAGE! And I'm sick of these doctors selling my boy glasses that BREAK ALL THE TIME! I want some that are undesctructable. I don't care if they look good or not. His mother worries about fashion, but I don't care. I'll make him wear them. I know we have to get his eyes measured, and we do that every year or six months or whatever, but we do that and get the glasses and they break in two weeks. We just got his last pair after getting his eye measured and they broke in a couple days. So can we come in there today and get some glasses that WON'T BREAK?!
Well, does he have a prescription, or-
Obviously he needs to get his eyes measured again. Did you not pick that up? His last one was way over a year ago and I know we need to get them checked every couple months. Don't you know that? So, yes, I need you to measure his eyes and make him some glasses that aren't weak pieces of crap that every time something happens his astigmatism lenses come out.
Ok. The doctor is currently booked for two weeks.
*Silence*
You can tell by my silence that I am not too happy about that. Two weeks? I've never heard of such a thing. I've NEVER heard of such a thing! How can he be booked for two weeks?! What would happen in an emergency?! What if I gouged my eyes out?! You wouldn't turn me away IF I WAS BLEEDING! TWO WEEKS?! What does that even mean?!
We have two weeks worth of patients waiting to see him.
For TWO WEEKS?! How long does it even take to get your eyes measured?!
About forty minutes.
For just the one doctor?! You have that many people waiting to see him?
Yes. We have a lot of patients. We're very blessed.
Well, I guess so. The guy who gave me his number sure liked him, so that's why I'm calling. How much does that forty minutes with the doctor cost?
Do you have insurance?
What do you think?! OF COURSE I don't have insurance!
Well, then it will be $95 for the exam. Plus you're looking at about $120 for the frames and $95 for the lenses.
Three hundred dollars? And you have glasses there that won't ever break?
Well... we have glasses here that are well made and have warranties in case of breaking. I've got to tell you, in my experience, you can the most well-made frames on the planet, give them to a young boy, and he'll find a way to break them.
Well he's very good with his glasses. Always puts them in his backpack. He wears them for hockey. And he runs around in them. Gets a little rowdy. But he's good with them. He never will try to break them. They just are crap! They're CRAP! I look at them under a magnifying glass and it's just cheap material they use to build them with. I need something strong for him. Something that could withstand the Space Shuttle taking off. I mean, you don't even understand what they could be making glasses out of. You tell me this: why don't they have a polymer hinge?
Er... a "polymer hinge"--
What's your name?
...Christopher.
Christopher, you don't know much about glasses. I would hope that someone in your field would know all about every kind of glasses out there. There's got to be something stonger out there to make glasses out of. They need to make polymer hinges and coat the astigmatism lenses in it to they stop breaking. You know the stuff on the bottom of the space shuttle? Why can't they make glasses out of that?! I want to be able to hit them with a hammer and they'll be fine! I know they can make them but they'll probably cost a thousand dollars. And we can't all live out there on the East side and so nothing but polish our cars all day. So why can't they make unbreakable lenses that I can afford?! Tell your fancy doctor - and I shouldn't even use that term. He's not even a real doctor, is he?
Yes, he's a doctor.
Does he have a PhD?
He's an O.D.
Listen, I'm from Canada, and up there we don't call someone a doctor unless they have a postgraduate degree. They have to actually be a doctor. They have to have a doctorate of something.
He does have a postgraduate degree, he earned a doctorate in Optometry, and he's licensed in the state of Utah as A DOCTOR!
Well, tell your fancy PhD to call me and explain to me why they can't make unbreakable glasses. Will you? Can he call me and tell me why they can't have a polymer hinge? I'll just need five minutes of him talking. I'll just listen. I just want your doctor to explain to me why every pair of glasses is a piece of crap.
Sure. What's your name?
---- -----
And your phone number?
--- ----
And who referred you to us?
No, I'm not going to tell you. I know you must all ready think I'm an asshole. I don't want you to get mad at the person who referred me. Just have the doctor call me.
Ok...*click*
WHEW!
Well, dad called back and was immediately barraged by the man's conspiracy theories. Like how Dentists won't tell you to floss so that you have to keep coming back to them. Dad warned him right then not to get off topic or he would hang up. But still, it was mostly the guy talking and my dad trying to get a word in. Despite the fact that he can "talk circles" around my dad when it comes to Quantum Mechanics, eventually he was convinced that there is no such thing as unbreakable glasses. And that was that. And he also told my dad that I was a good boy. Weird!
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Little White Lies
So, surprisingly enough, I didn't love Fastball's album on first listen. I bought "Tonight: Franz Ferdinand" the same day, but it didn't really do much for me either. Then I saw Franz live, and went back to their album and loved it. I couldn't stop listening to it. After that kinda faded a little, I went back to Fastball. Oh man. What is wrong with me?
I LOVE Little White Lies. The title track is awesome, the closing song "Soul Radio" is epic. But the middle stretch "How Did I Get Here?" "We'll Always Have Paris" "Angelie" and especially "She's Got The Rain" is 14 minutes of pure bliss. Complete genius. It's so weird that this stuff can't hit me on first listen. It's so weird that it has to soak in. I wonder how many things out there I'm missing out on because they need more time.
Also, I got the Decemberists' "The Hazards of Love." It's a pretty darn cool album, and the ambition of it is admirable. I need to sit down with it some evening and read the lyrics as I go, since I've got most of the story figured out, but there's still a couple details I'm hazy on.
All in all, it feels good to be listening to contemporary music again. It feels good to be back on the forefront of music. And most of all, it feels good knowing that there are still great musicians out there making music that I love. I thought those days were over.
I LOVE Little White Lies. The title track is awesome, the closing song "Soul Radio" is epic. But the middle stretch "How Did I Get Here?" "We'll Always Have Paris" "Angelie" and especially "She's Got The Rain" is 14 minutes of pure bliss. Complete genius. It's so weird that this stuff can't hit me on first listen. It's so weird that it has to soak in. I wonder how many things out there I'm missing out on because they need more time.
Also, I got the Decemberists' "The Hazards of Love." It's a pretty darn cool album, and the ambition of it is admirable. I need to sit down with it some evening and read the lyrics as I go, since I've got most of the story figured out, but there's still a couple details I'm hazy on.
All in all, it feels good to be listening to contemporary music again. It feels good to be back on the forefront of music. And most of all, it feels good knowing that there are still great musicians out there making music that I love. I thought those days were over.
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Gotta Blog
I have to keep writing. I have to get in the habit of putting my thoughts down as I get them, because I think my ability to make new memories is hampered. Most of my memories are cross-referenced with each other. But the background has been changing for years and now has stopped. I mean, I can remember grades in school, and almost every year after high school has a different location to go from. All I had to do was remember where I was living, and I could remember what year it was and what else was going on. But since moving to this house, everything has stabilized. Same friends, same family, same house, same job. And I love everything, so I'm not about to change any of it. So, I have to find another way.
Another worry is that blogging everything won't solve the problem by itself. I have to read it. I see things that I've written on myspace years ago that I don't remember at all. But at the same time, I worry that adding too much stuff will bury the important stuff, as I wrote before.
Hey, I remembered that.
Another worry is that blogging everything won't solve the problem by itself. I have to read it. I see things that I've written on myspace years ago that I don't remember at all. But at the same time, I worry that adding too much stuff will bury the important stuff, as I wrote before.
Hey, I remembered that.
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Bag of Nerves
I get so nervous over little things. Tonight I'm going out with Felix to see Franz Ferdinand play at the Avalon Theatre. It's the first time in months that I've done anything without Emily or Madeleine, and it's so funny how much that scares me.
I take it as a sign that this is something I absolutely must do. "A person needs new experiences. They jar something deep inside, allowing him to grow. Without change something sleeps inside us, and seldom awakens. The sleeper must awaken." Right? I'm worried I'll settle down too comfortably in my own little world, and begin to lose touch with reality.
I was a complete wreck as the plane touched down in Rome. Changing plans and planes
in Atlanta and Paris had shaken me, and knowing that a large city in a foreign country lay ahead of me got the better of my senses. But finally something clicked in me and I was able to function again. The whole trip had its difficulties that caused me plenty of worry, but that's part of what it made it so great for me. The high I felt (and am still feeling) is due in no small part to the feeling that I "survived" it.
But does seeing a band I'm familiar with in a venue I've all ready visited with one of my closest friends really count as a new experience? It's got me nervous enough, so we'll count it as one.
I take it as a sign that this is something I absolutely must do. "A person needs new experiences. They jar something deep inside, allowing him to grow. Without change something sleeps inside us, and seldom awakens. The sleeper must awaken." Right? I'm worried I'll settle down too comfortably in my own little world, and begin to lose touch with reality.
I was a complete wreck as the plane touched down in Rome. Changing plans and planes
in Atlanta and Paris had shaken me, and knowing that a large city in a foreign country lay ahead of me got the better of my senses. But finally something clicked in me and I was able to function again. The whole trip had its difficulties that caused me plenty of worry, but that's part of what it made it so great for me. The high I felt (and am still feeling) is due in no small part to the feeling that I "survived" it.
But does seeing a band I'm familiar with in a venue I've all ready visited with one of my closest friends really count as a new experience? It's got me nervous enough, so we'll count it as one.
Friday, April 17, 2009
Grown Up
My girl is growing up too fast for me. We went bowling tonight, and I just couldn't believe she's all ready at the age where we can go on dates. Not just me dragging a toddler along, but having a real conversation - even if it was silly. She informed me that after she's a ballerina and a rock star, she's going to be a worm-helper (veterinarian for worms), and finally an eye doctor. Then she realized that before all that she needs to be a babysitter first. Then she told me that she's not a baby, so if I need someone to watch her, I should call a babysitter, I should a grownupsitter.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Death and Taxes
Oh good God. Today was "Tea Party" day. I'm making a note of it now, because within weeks it will be forgotten. If only we could remember the sheer volume of stupidity of this day, maybe we wouldn't be doomed to repeat it.
It's a covert Republican rally. The Republican brand has been shamed so thoroughly, they can no longer sell it. But I can't decide if it's laughable or frightening that their new tack is "Bring down the government!" They mean "Bring down the Democrats" but I don't know if that's clear enough to their constituents.
Hateful people can be stirred up into a dangerous frenzy, it's true. But I wonder if anything lasting will come of this, because the figureheads of the movement don't truly believe in it. It's all a soulless ploy to rebuild a political party. Amazingly enough, it's the party that created the economic problem they're rallying against.
I had a little bit of hope that our country had turned a corner, and Bush's incompetence had awoken the people to just what his party was up to. But here we are, he's only been out of office a couple months and these morons are clamoring for more.
Protesting taxation? Really? First of all, this is still Bush's tax rate. Obama hasn't done anything to it yet. If you had wanted change, you should have asked for it during the six years Republican control. Calling this tax code tyranny or even terrorism (Neil Boortz just did), is calling Bush a tyrant. You didn't like that so much when we did it, did you?
Secondly, these public places you're using for your rallies are maintained by your tax dollars. The roads you drove on to get there are maintained by your tax dollars. The schools you pulled your children out of, the police present keeping the peace, the military you claim to support, the very infrastructure that makes your everyday lives possible: all tax dollars. Don't fool yourselves.
Thirdly, there are a few historically handicapped folks (outside of Washington D.C.) that are screaming "no taxation without representation!" Hopefully not all of you are that stupid.
Speaking of history, how about these protesters claiming that this is all about getting back to what the founding fathers had in mind? I heard a woman claiming that this is about small business, as the constitution intended. Completely unaware of what the Constitution actually says (specifically regarding tax), she also didn't realize that under the original constitution, she would not have a vote.
Finally: teabagging? Seriously? Your mothers must be so proud.
But why do I worry? Like I said, in a few weeks this will all be forgotten. America will go on as usual. I'm just recording the parade of idiocy.
It's a covert Republican rally. The Republican brand has been shamed so thoroughly, they can no longer sell it. But I can't decide if it's laughable or frightening that their new tack is "Bring down the government!" They mean "Bring down the Democrats" but I don't know if that's clear enough to their constituents.
Hateful people can be stirred up into a dangerous frenzy, it's true. But I wonder if anything lasting will come of this, because the figureheads of the movement don't truly believe in it. It's all a soulless ploy to rebuild a political party. Amazingly enough, it's the party that created the economic problem they're rallying against.
I had a little bit of hope that our country had turned a corner, and Bush's incompetence had awoken the people to just what his party was up to. But here we are, he's only been out of office a couple months and these morons are clamoring for more.
Protesting taxation? Really? First of all, this is still Bush's tax rate. Obama hasn't done anything to it yet. If you had wanted change, you should have asked for it during the six years Republican control. Calling this tax code tyranny or even terrorism (Neil Boortz just did), is calling Bush a tyrant. You didn't like that so much when we did it, did you?
Secondly, these public places you're using for your rallies are maintained by your tax dollars. The roads you drove on to get there are maintained by your tax dollars. The schools you pulled your children out of, the police present keeping the peace, the military you claim to support, the very infrastructure that makes your everyday lives possible: all tax dollars. Don't fool yourselves.
Thirdly, there are a few historically handicapped folks (outside of Washington D.C.) that are screaming "no taxation without representation!" Hopefully not all of you are that stupid.
Speaking of history, how about these protesters claiming that this is all about getting back to what the founding fathers had in mind? I heard a woman claiming that this is about small business, as the constitution intended. Completely unaware of what the Constitution actually says (specifically regarding tax), she also didn't realize that under the original constitution, she would not have a vote.
Finally: teabagging? Seriously? Your mothers must be so proud.
But why do I worry? Like I said, in a few weeks this will all be forgotten. America will go on as usual. I'm just recording the parade of idiocy.
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Fastball
Fastball has a new album out today, so I'm writing about it before I ever hear it. I have a problem with new albums from bands that I love. I never like them at first. I don't know why, but my first day with an album is always a disappointment. Fastball has been this way for me, so have Spoon, Rufus Wainwright, and the Strokes. Almost always, I go on to love the album, but it takes awhile. So, I'm experimenting this time, and getting all my negative feelings out beforehand. Now we'll see what happens when I listen.
I'm also looking to buy the new Franz Ferdinand album. I'm still not so sold on their previous one, but I've discovered another interesting facet that colors my view of an album (like cover artwork): release date. There is something to be said about being contemporary. Maybe it comes from studying music of the sixties and wondering what it was like to hear this music in context. But I happen to enjoy an album differently (not necessarily more or less) when I know that other people are also hearing it for the first time.
It's a surprising revelation, actually, how much more goes into my view of music than just music. My opinion of the artist (or in some cases, only the limited view of the artist's image) shapes my opinion of their songs. I guess it's like blindfolded taste-tests; the tongue has a different taste for things without the eyes telling it what to expect.
I'm also looking to buy the new Franz Ferdinand album. I'm still not so sold on their previous one, but I've discovered another interesting facet that colors my view of an album (like cover artwork): release date. There is something to be said about being contemporary. Maybe it comes from studying music of the sixties and wondering what it was like to hear this music in context. But I happen to enjoy an album differently (not necessarily more or less) when I know that other people are also hearing it for the first time.
It's a surprising revelation, actually, how much more goes into my view of music than just music. My opinion of the artist (or in some cases, only the limited view of the artist's image) shapes my opinion of their songs. I guess it's like blindfolded taste-tests; the tongue has a different taste for things without the eyes telling it what to expect.
Monday, March 30, 2009
Playoff!
I don't care if college football playoff games won't sell out. Not every bowl even does right now anyway. Remember those reports about how cheap Orange Bowl tickets were going for the day of the game? So, now today I hear some nobody sportscaster opining that we shouldn't have a playoff because the games won't sell out.
What B.S.
Yes, of course I understand what big business college football is. But it is still a sport, and not even a professional one at that. If the integrity of the game is to be preserved, all other considerations besides fairness must be pushed aside. End of discussion.
The NCAA and the Presidents and Athletic Directors of the BCS conferences have proven that they could care less about fair play. It's about the money. It's worse than the other rigged sports like Professional Wrestling or the NBA because at least in those sports the athletes are getting paid.
Sure, the college athlete gets a scholarship, and I'm not going to disparage the scholarship itself. Nor the degrees these athletes earn. Other people diminish this accomplishment, but I'll never understand why. It's an honorable compensation for their efforts. There's two other things that upset me instead.
First, academic dishonesty. Universities either lower their academic standards or actually cheat in order to attract skilled athletes that would otherwise be academically ineligible. The Universities themselves are cheapening the athlete's education and the degree conferred upon them. In essense, they are diminishing the compensation to the athlete. They are saying that their education is worth nothing. So, thanks alot for that.
Secondly, there is the greater effect that a football program has on a University's finances. Not only does a successful football program boost student applications to the school, but the more profitable a program is, the less of a burden it is on tuition-payers. This is important because it means the BCS gives an advantage to certain institutions of higher learning. This then affects (to exactly what degree, I can't say) their research capabilities, their grants, the economies of the surrounding cities, and the state that funds them in part. So, when someone says this isn't Congress's problem, I respectfully disagree.
What B.S.
Yes, of course I understand what big business college football is. But it is still a sport, and not even a professional one at that. If the integrity of the game is to be preserved, all other considerations besides fairness must be pushed aside. End of discussion.
The NCAA and the Presidents and Athletic Directors of the BCS conferences have proven that they could care less about fair play. It's about the money. It's worse than the other rigged sports like Professional Wrestling or the NBA because at least in those sports the athletes are getting paid.
Sure, the college athlete gets a scholarship, and I'm not going to disparage the scholarship itself. Nor the degrees these athletes earn. Other people diminish this accomplishment, but I'll never understand why. It's an honorable compensation for their efforts. There's two other things that upset me instead.
First, academic dishonesty. Universities either lower their academic standards or actually cheat in order to attract skilled athletes that would otherwise be academically ineligible. The Universities themselves are cheapening the athlete's education and the degree conferred upon them. In essense, they are diminishing the compensation to the athlete. They are saying that their education is worth nothing. So, thanks alot for that.
Secondly, there is the greater effect that a football program has on a University's finances. Not only does a successful football program boost student applications to the school, but the more profitable a program is, the less of a burden it is on tuition-payers. This is important because it means the BCS gives an advantage to certain institutions of higher learning. This then affects (to exactly what degree, I can't say) their research capabilities, their grants, the economies of the surrounding cities, and the state that funds them in part. So, when someone says this isn't Congress's problem, I respectfully disagree.
Friday, March 27, 2009
You Liar!
Laura Ingraham, you are a liar. We did not receive three feet of snow during your stay in Utah. We did not receive another three this morning. Not even at Alta, where you stayed during your trip. It was a bizarre moment for me to be driving down a clear street with the sun shining, and hear your voice on the radio proclaiming that I was covered by three feet of snow. You lied.
Furthermore, I thought you knew that Utah is a very Republican state. I'm fairly certain that a good portion of locals at the lodge at Alta were conservative. When they reacted as your daughter said "Put Barack in the fire!" I think it wasn't just because they were mindless "libs," as you accuse, but rather, they were simply decent people who couldn't help but feel disgusted at the suggestion of the immolation of our president.
Please, kindly shut up. Thank you.
P.S. Also on the topic of AM Talk Radio Right Wing Douchebags, I'm wondering if, in all fifteen years of his talk show, Michael Savage has ever EVER gone a single broadcast without comparing Liberals to Nazis. EVER?!
Furthermore, I thought you knew that Utah is a very Republican state. I'm fairly certain that a good portion of locals at the lodge at Alta were conservative. When they reacted as your daughter said "Put Barack in the fire!" I think it wasn't just because they were mindless "libs," as you accuse, but rather, they were simply decent people who couldn't help but feel disgusted at the suggestion of the immolation of our president.
Please, kindly shut up. Thank you.
P.S. Also on the topic of AM Talk Radio Right Wing Douchebags, I'm wondering if, in all fifteen years of his talk show, Michael Savage has ever EVER gone a single broadcast without comparing Liberals to Nazis. EVER?!
Friday, March 20, 2009
Stu takes first! Does Stu take second?
Well, the Utes won. And the Utes lost. The Red Rocks Gymnastics team went down to BYU and smashed them 197.800 to whatever low score the Cougars got. Ute fans absolutely outnumbered BYU fans by about 200 - 50. It made Emily and I wish we had gone down there. Madeleine wanted to go too, since it looked a lot quieter than Ute meets. It's sad to see Kristina Baskett and Nina Kim leave; they've been our favorites ever since the first meet we attended.
And the Runnin' Utes lost to Arizona in the opening round of the NCAA playoffs. Even though I held out hope until the end, and was sincerely excited when they started fighting back with five minutes to go, it was glaringly obvious to me from the start that Arizona was going to win. Their guys were just all over the floor, hassling the Utes and showing endless energy. As I write this, Cleveland State is leading Wake Forest, but I would expect either team to lose to Arizona in the next round after what I've seen tonight.
There, you see? I blogged again. Maybe there is some hope for this becoming actively used again. The embarrassing thing is the how edited my former posts are. Everything you see posted prior to today has been edited by me sometime in 2005. I went back and cleaned out all the bad language and cutting out "unworthy" stuff. How foolish of me. What's the point of polishing this up?
And the Runnin' Utes lost to Arizona in the opening round of the NCAA playoffs. Even though I held out hope until the end, and was sincerely excited when they started fighting back with five minutes to go, it was glaringly obvious to me from the start that Arizona was going to win. Their guys were just all over the floor, hassling the Utes and showing endless energy. As I write this, Cleveland State is leading Wake Forest, but I would expect either team to lose to Arizona in the next round after what I've seen tonight.
There, you see? I blogged again. Maybe there is some hope for this becoming actively used again. The embarrassing thing is the how edited my former posts are. Everything you see posted prior to today has been edited by me sometime in 2005. I went back and cleaned out all the bad language and cutting out "unworthy" stuff. How foolish of me. What's the point of polishing this up?
The World Needs More Blogs
No it doesn't. So I'm just resurrecting my old one. I would find it embarrassingly hilarious if I made this particular post one of those "This is what my blog will be about" posts, then follow it up with absolutely nothing. You can find those littering the landscape of the blogosphere. It's awesome.
Speaking of littered blogospheres, there's a thought that's been kicking around my head. And since getting my thoughts into writing is what my blog will be about, here we go.
I think about how much of history is simply lost. There are billions of unaccounted-for lives that were lived with no written record of their accomplishments. And every lifetime contains accomplishments. Even large, powerful civilizations have had their written records lost to history. And we think we're so lucky now that everything is adequately catalogued and filed away so that every last detail of our life and times are preserved for the ages.
But do have any idea how much CRAP is recorded too? Look at the damn "Blogosphere" or YouTube or Twitter or imagine how many copies of People or Us or Entertainment Weekly have been printed that have preserved exactly nothing of historical value. Well, not the important stuff. Nothing that will enlighten future researchers in their understanding of the early 21st Century. All of the important details of our time will be buried underneath a mountain of useless information.
Of course, it all depends on what is considered important. I realize that. My point was more to illustrate just how equally transient in time we are to those lost civilizations. All this will be gone, everything we have constructed will be eroded away, and everything we have written will go unread.
Like this. Heh.
Anywho, one other thought I must get out before I lose it; my love of the words "nuanced" and "robust." Specifically because they can be used to describe their own usage. To use the word "nuanced" is to have a nuanced understanding of your subject, the word, and its usage. Furthermore, if you use "robust" in describing something, you are also declaring your robust support for calling it so. At least that's the way I think of it. They're fantastic words.
P.S. Reminder to myself if I'm reading this about 360 or so days from now - go with your gut when you're filling out your NCAA Bracket!!! Again this year I got bit in the opening round, wondering why I changed my mind on picking Texas A&M, Michigan, and Maryland.
Speaking of littered blogospheres, there's a thought that's been kicking around my head. And since getting my thoughts into writing is what my blog will be about, here we go.
I think about how much of history is simply lost. There are billions of unaccounted-for lives that were lived with no written record of their accomplishments. And every lifetime contains accomplishments. Even large, powerful civilizations have had their written records lost to history. And we think we're so lucky now that everything is adequately catalogued and filed away so that every last detail of our life and times are preserved for the ages.
But do have any idea how much CRAP is recorded too? Look at the damn "Blogosphere" or YouTube or Twitter or imagine how many copies of People or Us or Entertainment Weekly have been printed that have preserved exactly nothing of historical value. Well, not the important stuff. Nothing that will enlighten future researchers in their understanding of the early 21st Century. All of the important details of our time will be buried underneath a mountain of useless information.
Of course, it all depends on what is considered important. I realize that. My point was more to illustrate just how equally transient in time we are to those lost civilizations. All this will be gone, everything we have constructed will be eroded away, and everything we have written will go unread.
Like this. Heh.
Anywho, one other thought I must get out before I lose it; my love of the words "nuanced" and "robust." Specifically because they can be used to describe their own usage. To use the word "nuanced" is to have a nuanced understanding of your subject, the word, and its usage. Furthermore, if you use "robust" in describing something, you are also declaring your robust support for calling it so. At least that's the way I think of it. They're fantastic words.
P.S. Reminder to myself if I'm reading this about 360 or so days from now - go with your gut when you're filling out your NCAA Bracket!!! Again this year I got bit in the opening round, wondering why I changed my mind on picking Texas A&M, Michigan, and Maryland.
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