Change the World!

I don't even know why I ramble incoherently on here. It's nonsense. But it's what's going through my head. And these thoughts will disappear if I don't get them down.

But I guess that's the hang-up I have. Who cares if they disappear? Nothing lasts forever. Certainly not thoughts. Or moments of passion, frustration, melancholy, or peace. Yet I try to hold on to them, preserve them. Why?

Even my first blogs on here since I started again this year concerned the concept of remembering everything. I feel a sort of sympathy for things that have been forgotten. Nostalgic memories are always accompanied by a morose feeling of loss.

I was a little bit of a pack-rat when I was younger. I remember feeling sorry for the things I had to throw away. I missed them. Somehow I overcame the anxiety of saying goodbye to things, but obviously I have not learned to do the same with memories.

In my life, I wonder if this feeling is in any way connected to my [former?] lust for fame and recognition. It's as if I myself fear becoming lost and forgotten in time. (I just realized that my memory theory of the afterlife is probably strongly influenced by this!) There's something else, though, too.

I was listening to Harvey Danger and If At First while painting the baby's room today. And I couldn't help being overcome with a feeling of injustice. The lyrics, the music, and most importantly, the strong emotions their songs conjured up; these artists deserve to be more well respected by the world. They are giving the world a great gift, and yet are drowned out by Nickelback and Hannah Montana.

Hmm... that also refers back to those first blogs. The idea of the important information of our time becoming buried under all the worthless garbage. How very interesting. I guess I'm starting to see a little bit of return on my investment in writing these blogs, because I might not have made that connection had this just all been passing thoughts.

Well, anyways, the feeling of injustice applies to me as well. It's well beyond the boundaries of humility to say this, but I believe that I too have a great gift for music that needs to be shared with the world. And that I am not giving my one and only life the full benefit of my efforts if I don't get that music out there.

It's also like how lately I've been questioning my own desire to understand all that is understandable. Since we all distort reality in our perceptions, I will never be able to truly understand another human being. So what good will come of it? I don't know. I realized that for some reason, the unconscious goal of this undertaking was supposed to help bring enlightenment to the world. So, just like with my music, I think that I am somehow destined to alter the course of mankind.

Yeah, but I'm still humble.

No, that's the thing, is when I realize what it is that I'm secretly pining for, I step back and say "What? You know you'll never accomplish that!" Nevertheless, the feeling cannot be denied. Nor, I suppose, can it ever be satiated. Because I all ready have altered the course of mankind. I've added my voice to the eternal chorus, I've woven my thread into the great tapestry. I've helped to create life, and I've helped to share joy. So, crazy inner voice, what more do you want from me?!

Shoot, even if I'm famous, the extent of that fame couldn't be accurately measured until after I'm dead. A lot of good it will do me then.

So, great. I've just figured myself out. Go me. Now what?

Alternating Current!

My idea of time being able to flow backwards was too simple. What if time alternates forwards and backwards constantly, like alternating electric current? Our brains are then diodes that only apprehend and record "forward" movement. It makes me wonder if gravity is nothing more than the basic expansion of the universe working in negative time.

That of course makes a HUGE assumption that the natural "forward" movement in time is expansion, but that would tie in with my idea of the contraction of the universe as being anti-entropy, and therefore backwards in time. None of this makes sense, of course.

This would probably redefine "motion" anyways. What is it? Since our universe is always in motion, even when you are stopped, you are still moving in some direction. You can never be still. Unless, maybe you center the universe within your own mind, and let everything move relative to it.

But then, could you ever be in motion?

I suppose this still leads back to the answer that the universe only truly exists within your perception. Is there anything such as truth?

ESPN sucks

They're the Fox News of sports. Good god, the amount of biased idiocy spewing from their mouths is intolerable. Desmond Howard comes on ESPN's local affiliate station, which also happens to be the Utes broadcasting network, and says he doesn't respect the Utah or the Mountain West because "you need consistency." Die.

The stats are even available on ESPN's website, Howard! You nincompoop. How's this for consistency? 2003-2008, the Utes have gone 59-16, and won a bowl game every year. They have the longest active bowl winning streak, one of the top winning percentages over that span, one Heisman trophy finalist (and #1 overall draft pick), two Head Coach of the Year Awards, and they are one of only four teams to have achieved an undefeated season; the ONLY one to do it TWICE.

Take your ESPN/BCS propaganda and shove it. Idiot.

Another Puzzle Piece!

There's not enough time to explore the ramifications right now, but I learned that all humans distort their perception of reality in order to cope with it. What this means immediately is that if the mind isn't bound to the limits of reality, then it becomes a variable in the mathematical equation of the universe. Even if time flows forward or backward, and all things can be mathematically explained as both the cause and/or the effect of an action (depending on which time flows), the mind can change its state upon reiteration. Basically it's the human "free will" working against the godly "destiny."

More later.

Why I Want To Re-Record My Album!

My album, how I loathe you. Let me ennumerate the ways.

1. The vocals. When I used to record my voice, I would do it the music playing loud in my headphones. As a result, I moved myself closer to the microphone, but lowered my volume. It wasn't natural. So, for the album, I recorded all the vocals "live" while playing guitar or piano. Unfortunately, I compensated for the volume of the piano by pushing my voice too hard and closing up my throat. I've since discovered a way to more successfully record my voice naturally, but I can't overdub it on to the ADAT, since it was recorded live and the original vocals have bled onto the piano tracks.

2. The bass. The bass was the first thing I recorded, and back then I didn't even know I'd be getting a better one. All the songs are played on my Peavey Milestone II, except "Gravity" which features my new custom built bass. The difference in quality couldn't be any clearer to me. It's so much thicker and well intoned. Every song deserves it.

3. The mix. I was under the impression to downplay the drums, not let the bass overpower the mix, and fit the vocals in amongst the prominent acoustic guitars and pianos. That was wrong. It gives the album a fat middle, but very little highs and lows. I should have pulled the guitars and pianos further back (especially when performing rhythm parts) and created more depth. One song that the mixing is on the right path is "When I Dream About You." I'd like to use that has a starting point.

4. The EQ. My vocals didn't even sound so bad once the right EQ was applied. The only problem was that I transferred all of the tracks from the ADAT to the Akai completely "flat," thinking that I could apply EQ later on with the Akai. But the Akai's digital EQ was shockingly bad. If you boost or cut any frequency by more than just a a few dBs, a horrible fluttery static noise would appear when the volume spiked. It was totally unacceptable, and apparently a design flaw. So I tweaked each frequency as much as I could push it, but my hands were tied. I could have made more out of what I had, but it wasn't meant to be.