Well, it has finally happened. I have an album. Wow. It's something I always dreamed of, and so in its own way, this is very important to me. But I'm trying to remain humble about it.
First of all, it's a little disappointing. I really don't like the sound of my own voice. So it's more difficult than I had expected to promote it. I'm shy about it. Obviously, my voice sounds much fuller in my head, and well in tune. It grates on my ears to hear it so thin and out of key when I hear it on record.
On the other hand, it's fun to finally hear each song as I've always imagined. Some things work even better than I had hoped, others not so much. Just Let Me Go is beautiful and poignant and yearning, I think. Gravity is prettier than I ever thought it would be. Alone rocks. And When I Dream About You is my favorite track on the album. It's so funky and mysterious. It's better than I had ever hoped.
Olivia, though... Eesh. It doesn't work. Making Friends Is Easy sounds overdone, and The Girl I Love doesn't quite come alive. Oh well. What can I do now? Nothing. I'm too tired to go check the quote precisely, but the Tao Te Ching says "Do your work, then let go. The only way to make anything that lasts."
Almost all these songs were written September-November 2002. Making Friends Is Easy, The Girl I Love, Olivia, Gravity, There's Truth In This Yet, and Esprit D'Escalier were all written while I lived in the dorm. (As well as several songs I'm putting on the second album). That's What I'm Here For was written the summer before that, and Just Let Me Go the summer after. Thunderweasel was written before I was married. Tony wrote the lyrics to When I Dream About You in '99 and I completed the music in Long Beach in 2000. And Alone was written entirely in one afternoon in the summer of 1999. It turned 10 years old as of this recording. Weird.
This was the fourth official attempt to record the album, and probably the hundredth unofficial one. I first tried in my dad's basement in 2002. The album opened with Summer Of Whenever (remember that one?). The drums for most of the album were probably identical to the current ones, even though I re-programmed the tracks a dozen times.
The second time I tried was at a studio down in Highland. I recorded everything in one take that afternoon, but went back and listened to it and hated the way I was singing. I never went back to work on it any more.
The third time I tried in my basement, with the idea of taking the tracks over to Emily's cousin's studio. But the plans fell through. So, I tried mixing them at my dad's house, but once again, hated my voice, and realized the midi piano I used was no good.
Finally, I started over this April. The drums are fake, but everything else is real. And it's me, playing every instrument, singing every note, and mixing every track. It's quite an accomplishment, and I'm proud of myself for that.
So, there it is. Now, what am I going to do with it?!
