Polar bears are proof that god exists, because nothing so incredibly badass could have evolved randomly without some kind of master plan. Yeh, that cute little cuddly white bear will actually EAT YOUR FACE OFF!!! That's right. Polar bears will eat anything. And they're not even afraid! Scott said he saw a video of a couple polar bears attacking a beached killer whale. Now, listen up, I realize that it is probably logistically easy to attack a beached whale. But LARGE SEA CREATURES ARE TERRIFYING IN ANY ENVIRONMENT!!! And don't you forget it!
When you were a kid, did you see that commercial for those wildlife videos where they had a killer whale like, totally destroying some poor sea lion on the coast? I did. Killer whales are scary mothers. If I were a polar bear, I wouldn't attack one of those things, even if it was beached. Even if it was helplessly floating in the sky like some directionless zeppelin, and I were in a Sopwith Camel with carbide-tipped rocket-propelled harpoons, I would probably steer clear of that behemoth!
At Shedd's Aquarium in Chicago, they have a large taxidermologized killer squid mounted on the ceiling. Just the memory of that evil evil monster will cause me to shudder! It probably ate TWO captain Nemos before they wrangled that savage beast!
Aah! I HATE SEA CREATURES!!!
Except for the peaceful sea dragon. Sea dragons are all right.
Free Willy scares me. Star Trek IV scares me. Finding Nemo scares me. That beach scene in The Craft scares me. And pictures of Portugese Man-O-Wars scare the living crap out of me. I saw a dolphin in Puget Sound once. It didn't scare me. But the state fish of Hawaii, the Humuhumunukunukuapua'a, that kind of scared me. That stupid algae-sucker fish in my sister's aquarium scared me.
