Today was Madeleine's first day of Third Grade! It feels so great to have her back in school again. She's excited about it too. We got there early and I walked in with her (as did all the other parents). Before the doors opened, the kids had all grouped together near their classmates, and Maddy saw Nicole, Mwende, Ella, and McKenna outside. In her class, she sits next to Ryan and across from Brandon at a table that also includes Averi and a new girl, Madison. I told her to be sure to make friends with Madison. I was able to take a few pictures of her with her friends and teacher, Mrs. Gallagher.

And I went to work, listening to The Zombies' "Odessey and Oracle" album. (By the way, Odessey is misspelled in the album title.) It's one of my albums that I only allow myself to listen to in the Fall. Even though it's technically, astronomically not Autumn yet, I figure with Maddy in school, it's Fall enough for me. I just discovered it last year, but it is already one of my favorites of all time.

My cousin Liz Bogus came in for an eye exam today, and brought her partner Amy LePeilbet with her. Although this was only my second time meeting Amy, I'm a big fan of hers and watched every minute of her playing in the Olympic soccer matches. She was so gracious as we fawned over her and her gold medal. She even put it around my neck. I hope that's not sacrilegious.

That afternoon we had a new employee join our staff. Laurel has been a patient of ours for years, and I call her to help with every study. Since both Heather and Alessa have school on Monday afternoons, we asked Laurel to help us out as she looks for a new job.

Madeleine was so excited about her first day at school. When I came home, she was clipping coupons from the newspaper, so she could buy food for the homeless. Then she asked me to do her addition flashcards with her. And finally, we read the first chapter of "Treasure Island" before she went to bed.

Emily and I watched the first two episodes of "Downton Abbey" before going to bed, and both really enjoyed it. It was a great day.

An unused snippet.

I wrote this half of a verse to "Everybody's Lost But Me" the week before W declared war on Iraq:

The war that is impending
Will not have a happy ending
Long as Washington's pretending
It's our freedom their defending

Too bad it's a little dated now.

And then this morning I came up with this verse, but it probably will never see the light of day, since it's too much of a mouthful:

Future civilizations
Will have to use their imagination
To understand why our nation
Turned our fascination
From improving race relations
And space exploration
To weapons, masturbation
And idol adulation

Golden Age!

Part of the reason no blogs have blogged out of me is that Emily, Madeleine, Liam and I are in a golden age of sorts. This is definitely a time that I will someday look back upon fondly as "the good old days." Madeleine has breakfast with me every morning, and rushes to greet me at the door every evening when I get home from work. Emily and I spend long hours on our couches, discussing life and our family and our future plans. And Liam's face lights up into a big, dimply smile when he lays eyes one me. There is simply not a single thing I could ask for.

So, rarely do I have a private moment to write out my thoughts. I'm making time for it now though because I have recently noticed that my memory is beginning to slip. I attribute it less to age as I do to lack of environmental change. The memories in this house are building up, happily. But I find even my daydreaming has begun to fall into cyclic routines much like the household chores. So, for my own sake, I must continue to document my thoughts.

One current event-themed thought, perfect for documenting; Immigration. Personally, I believe in loving and respecting all humans, regardless of nationality. I suppose that could be a "globalist" view, but perhaps that warrants further discussion. At any rate, I have difficulty understanding the reasoning behind granting privileges to people simply based on what latitude and longitude they happen to have been born at. (Not that they had much choice in that matter.) Now, I do understand the practical applications of citizenship, but it is my failure to grasp the root logic of it that is confusing to me.

Furthermore, I believe that it is my American upbringing that only confounds the issue. I understand that at certain points along my ancestry, my families arrived as immigrants to the country. The "assimilated," sure. But they also added their own unique ingredient to the melting pot. An American culture that did not include the flavors of Native, Central, and South Americans, Africans, Asians, and Pacific Islanders would hardly be recognizable as distinct from European. On an even closer scale, we have a pan-European culture mixed in as well. Distinct strains of German, French, Italian, British, Scandinavian, Greek, Irish, Russian, Baltic, Balkan, Belorussian and more are all evident in our country. And even then, there is a distinct "Americanness" to it all. The idea that immigrants must "assimilate" and "speak the language" is preposterous. It is only by proudly adding their own patches to our quilt that they are true Americans. And it is only by accepting them that we are truly America.

So, gracefully ignoring any sort of potential racism, the fight against immigration seems suspect at best. The idea appears to be based upon a melange of actual facts, unverifiable claims, reliable and unreliable statistics and conjectures, and downright lies. And the attitude is bolstered merely by anecdotal evidence.

Another day we can explore the ramifications of the concept of citizenship. But for now, I feel quite convinced; give us your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free.

Great Acheivements in Manliness!

"You really think you can unload all that concrete in six minutes?" she asked, her sarcastic tone was not enough to disguise her true feelings. She wanted me out of there.

"I promise I can do it," I replied without thinking. I absolutely love a challenge, and subconsciously I had all ready made up my mind to prove myself to her.

"You have eleven hours to come down here, and you chose the last five minutes?" she retorted. Ok, landfill gate attendant lady, no need to get insulting. I had raced here to arrive before closing time, not to mention the hurried job I did to load up the truck all by myself. I had worked hard to get here in time, and while one snide comment was understandably warranted in this situation, I had not given her much reason for two. It was clear though - her further taunt was meant to undermine my ability.

"What a bitch!" Emily summed up my feelings succinctly as we drove down into the waves of refuse.

The older man standing alone amongst the monuments to wastefulness had a similar appraisal to the bitch. "Concrete?" he said as I pulled near. "Just back up next to the hill there and unload it." I didn't want to make these folks work late, and their lack of confidence in me only pushed me harder. I whipped my dad's Ford Ranger around and lunged headlong -- er, asslong? -- toward my goal.

Jumping up into the bed, I strained to lift the concrete chunks and hurl them into the maelstrom of filth. Then the other items followed; a tree trunk, a couple dozen fence planks, pvc pipes, paint cans, and peg boards. Flinging the last items onto the heap, I jumped back in the cab and took off towards the gate.

"How was that?" I admit was smug as I settled the truck onto the scale.

"That was pretty good!" I had earned a smile from the landfill gate attendant lady. She handed me my receipt happily, and I drove off, rolling up my window at the stench.

Stamped on the receipt was a document of my accomplishment. I had unloaded 760 pounds in under 6 minutes!

My current treatise on God

God is the Unknown. Whatever lies just beyond the grasp of our understanding - that's what God is. And like the paradox of infinity, God will continue to remain tantalizingly out of reach. To whatever degree you choose to believe that God guides you along the path of existence, only the things for which you have no other explanation are attributed to Him.

To explore the Universe is to seek out His face. And to delight in the mystery of the future is to worship Him.

And just as unseen forces bond the subatomic particles together or curve space time to keep our feet on the ground, so too are we connected to one another. Love is the only purpose for our existence.

Gotta Blog! (again)

Come on Chris! Get back to it!

Ok... tomorrow

Colonel Salt!

I had vaguely recognized this before, but my most recent obsession with the "Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Heart's Club Band" has revealed to me an underlying theme to nearly all the songs. A "concept" if you will. In fact, you might go so far as to call this a "concept album."

The only thing is, the concept isn't some imaginary band and their songs. The concept is Maturity. The album's recording sessions were kicked off with the songs "Strawberry Fields Forever" and "Penny Lane." Both of these songs, appropriately enough, focus on the composers' childhood. From there, John and Paul seemed to be inspired, consciously or not, to explore the themes of growing up. It's probably no coincidence that all this came after their very first break from touring and recording in nearly four years. They must have finally had time to sit back and analyze their lives. And with touring now a thing of the past, they were undoubtedly pondering their futures, almost as if they were recent college graduates.

Paul's songs, being more literal, are easiest to dissect. Other than the Sgt. Pepper songs, his songs are: Getting Better, Fixing A Hole, She's Leaving Home, When I'm Sixty-Four, and Lovely Rita. Getting Better speaks of school in the past tense (as does John's Good Morning Good Morning), Fixing A Hole is concerned with home repairs (and the larger metaphor of getting your life in order), and She's Leaving Home and When I'm Sixty-Four are pretty obvious, aren't they?

John's contributions are a bit more abstract, and maybe require a little more creative thinking to link them to the concept. Maybe even out of context, the connection would be more tenuous. But there isn't a collection of Lennon songs with more obvious influences from his life than those here. Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds was inspired by a painting by his son and then by his favorite childhood book, Alice In Wonderland. Being For The Benefit of Mr. Kite! is taken almost word for word from a promotional poster from the 1800s. A Day In The Life is literally taken from articles from a newspaper. And Good Morning Good Morning is imaginatively reworked from phrases overheard from the television.

Their one co-written song, With A Little Help From My Friends, again pushes the boundaries of the connection. But George's contribution Within You Without You makes up for it by giving McCartney's theme a spiritual counterpart.

At least, I found this interesting.

A couple other obscure points about the recording sessions that interested me: John and Paul sang the backing parts to With A Little Help From My Friends in unison, then went back and sang the higher harmony part again in unison. Instead of their earlier practice of John taking the low part and McCartney taking the high part, then double tracking themselves.

Also, I think that the story of the famous edit in Strawberry Fields Forever may be just a little exaggerated. I had the opportunity to hear the original trumpet and cello backing track before it was slowed down to match Take 7. I'm pretty sure the basic backing track was recorded in the original key and tempo, then the tape was sped up for the overdub, with the intention of slowing it all back down again. Therefore, the only amazing coincidence was that Ringo played them in exactly the same tempo. Given his track record, this was hardly a fluke.

The Essence Of Music

I compare musical composition to architecture. The key, meter, chords, and scales are your structural materials. The arrangement is your facade, the melody your utility, and the lyrics your furnishings. A great song is structurally sound; it doesn't have to be complex, but it does have to be aesthetically pleasing. A construction of very poor substance, even when covered by a fancy finish, will soon reveal its poor workmanship.

Furthermore, I compare musical arrangement to cooking. The melody and harmony are your recipe. The instruments are your ingredients and the modes and beats are your seasonings. Just as how certain foods and spices are inextricably linked to specific cuisines, so too are certain instruments indicative of their style. (Example: adding the Sitar to "Norwegian Wood" was akin to adding Curry powder to an otherwise run-of-the-mill meat and rice dish.) As the skill of the musician or the quality of the food increases, so does the excellence of the finished product.

Random Thoughts

The moon is so bright tonight that the sky around it is blue. You can't see any stars.

It occurred to me today that a disproportionately large amount of my dreams are located in the neighborhood of my old high school. Just recently I've had dreams in classrooms, hallways, the auditorium, and many of the streets adjacent. It's almost as if I've spent more time there in dreams than in reality.

That has made me realize that several significant things have taken place there, outside of school itself. My first date was there (homecoming dance), and my last "date" was there too, if you will. The very last thing Emily and I did before we found out that we were parents was watch 24th of July fireworks from the bleachers. It was my final moment of childhood before discovering that I was to have a child of my own.

I've been wondering about neutrons tonight. Seemingly, they're the Universe's dead weight. Why do we even have them? Sheesh. Electrons go around and do all sorts of crazy shit, and protons are so important that we keep meticulous count of how many are in an atom. But neutrons can just come and go. Doesn't matter. Sure, we'll keep track of your isotopes, but even then you're not as important as ions. So whatever, neutrons. Thanks for nothing.

Except atomic chain reactions. You do that for us. Without which, there would be no sun, and therefore no life. So, that's cool. But come on, don't you want to stand up and state your opinion, positive or negative, at least once in a while? You're not neutral, you're just apathetic.

Blog Title

Yeah, so it's been a while. All this introspective blogging did me some good to a point, but now what? I think I started to be conscious of my audience again, so hopefully this long hiatus after all that ranting will have driven most everyone away.

Ok, one thought - Doakes is the real hero of Dexter, seasons 1 and 2. He seems like a total asshole, but it's because he's such a good cop he can actually tell that there's something wrong with Dexter. When he thinks Dexter is a junkie though, he is supportive and cool. He tactfully tries to bring it up with Deb, which is how he finds out that the Narcotics Anonymous meetings were a front. He shoots the dude from the Taunton Macoute, but we see later that he was following orders. And when faced with a murderous ex-army ranger, we see that his principles are stronger than his emotions. He's a badass.

Another thing, I have to give up sugar. It's horrible for my body anyways, but now that I know that it's the source of my headaches, finally I have a strong motivation to kick the habit. So, in an odd way, these headaches may have just been one big blessing in disguise. A blindingly painful disguise.

I'm looking at upgrading to computer recording. It's been a long, tortuous process for me. Working my way up from the four-track cassette portastudio, briefly through 8 track cassette and digital portastudios, to the ADAT - now I think I'm finally ready. But goddamn. Computers are so hard to work with. I've been doing all the research I can into 24 bit converters with 96kHz sample rates. Or something. (I hope in 5 or 10 years I read this blog and those numbers seem astonishingly quaint.) But with all the shopping I've been doing, I think I'm going to have to go with the most ironic choice: use the audio interface my dad bought me back in 2002. I think there's even a blog either published on here or saved on my computer waiting to be re-revealed that concerns my distaste for computer recording. Distaste is putting it mildly, I think. But here's the thing. Now that I've worked with everything in an analog (or at least semi-analog) environment, I've built up an understanding of what each component is supposed to do. Hopefully the task won't seem so intimidating now.

At least I hope so. There's still a part of me that wants to keep my ADAT set up, and expand it so I can master CDs directly from it. But fortunately my budget keeps my humble, and I realize that this will never happen. I say fortunately because I know that moving to computer recording is something that I should have done a long time ago. (Like, say 2002?) Shut up parentheses voice.

I hope that my obsessions with college football and politics have been properly impaled by my disillusionment with them. Both are a waste of time, because they trump up the drama in order to obscure the fact that it's all a trick being played on us. This doesn't change my support of either the Utes or Obama. It's just, like, well... I don't need to listen to anybody else any more. And maybe I don't feel the need to convince anyone else anymore. Drama is intriguing, but serenity has always been my goal.

Organizor!

Well, the self-analysis continues to reveal more secrets. I'm now able to accurately describe the very core of what drives my perfectionism. For some reason (yet to be discovered), I derive great joy from organizing chaos. And it's not that I have to have everything all in it's perfect order, but instead, I relish the opportunities and challenges that arise every time I'm faced with something that doesn't fit my scheme. I kept starting and re-starting new games of Civilization or SimCity, and my goal was never to see the actual game to completion, but instead, to try to achieve the most balanced cities and efficient use of the fractal terrain. Weird. I also love categorizing my songs on iTunes. Man, this is even why I kept re-recording drums for my album - I wanted every single note to have some sort of precedent or counterpart in another song.

Organizing every last set of data on College Football teams was part of this obsession as well. Of course, it ended up unraveling the illusion of the fairness of the sport. But is that such a bad thing? Probably not.

I've also been very eagerly working out the arrangements to paint the planets on the ceiling of my boy's room. The diameters and orbits of the four inner planets are proportional to each other, as are the outer planets. But the scales between the two sets are different (for practicality reasons). Also, each planet will be placed in its location along its orbit for February 2010. The amount of trigonometry involved to achieve this was surprisingly fun for me, and I found myself laying awake, running all the calculations in my head. (I had memorized roughly the tangents of 15 and 30 degrees, as well as the dimensions of the room, and the planets' positions.) 1 2 3 5 15 30 60 90 Those are the approximate intervals of the planets' orbits.

So, what does this mean? Well, nothing. Just another puzzle piece. I am definitely figuring myself out, even if I'm not all the way there yet. One thing that does make me sad though is the realization that this sort of fun is what has usually driven me to find "alone time." As much as I love my friends and family, I find myself striving to make time to be alone. And with that time, I rarely "relax" in the common use of the term. It's the times when I really get to put my brain to the test.

Whoa... I hadn't realized that until I'd written it. That's a MAJOR motivating factor for me. If I don't feel as though my intellectual capacity is being put to the test, I feel bored, restless, even agitated. Oh strange. This is why I can't stand to sit through a movie or show or even football game without having something else going. I feel like it's a monumental waste of my time.

Oh, this idea definitely has ramifications.

Ah, I can't type as fast as I can think! I just thought that one of the challenges I've enjoyed lately is teaching myself to understand the properties and applications of electricity. Of course, as I learned, I was quick to re-organize this information into a form that was easy for me to understand and to explain to others. I'm seeing a couple of my tendencies showing here: my need to challenge myself, my love of organizing information out of chaos, my desire to teach, and my attempt to understand all that is understandable.

Well, I'll be damned. It is all connected, isn't it? Like the crystal lattice of a diamond.

Change the World!

I don't even know why I ramble incoherently on here. It's nonsense. But it's what's going through my head. And these thoughts will disappear if I don't get them down.

But I guess that's the hang-up I have. Who cares if they disappear? Nothing lasts forever. Certainly not thoughts. Or moments of passion, frustration, melancholy, or peace. Yet I try to hold on to them, preserve them. Why?

Even my first blogs on here since I started again this year concerned the concept of remembering everything. I feel a sort of sympathy for things that have been forgotten. Nostalgic memories are always accompanied by a morose feeling of loss.

I was a little bit of a pack-rat when I was younger. I remember feeling sorry for the things I had to throw away. I missed them. Somehow I overcame the anxiety of saying goodbye to things, but obviously I have not learned to do the same with memories.

In my life, I wonder if this feeling is in any way connected to my [former?] lust for fame and recognition. It's as if I myself fear becoming lost and forgotten in time. (I just realized that my memory theory of the afterlife is probably strongly influenced by this!) There's something else, though, too.

I was listening to Harvey Danger and If At First while painting the baby's room today. And I couldn't help being overcome with a feeling of injustice. The lyrics, the music, and most importantly, the strong emotions their songs conjured up; these artists deserve to be more well respected by the world. They are giving the world a great gift, and yet are drowned out by Nickelback and Hannah Montana.

Hmm... that also refers back to those first blogs. The idea of the important information of our time becoming buried under all the worthless garbage. How very interesting. I guess I'm starting to see a little bit of return on my investment in writing these blogs, because I might not have made that connection had this just all been passing thoughts.

Well, anyways, the feeling of injustice applies to me as well. It's well beyond the boundaries of humility to say this, but I believe that I too have a great gift for music that needs to be shared with the world. And that I am not giving my one and only life the full benefit of my efforts if I don't get that music out there.

It's also like how lately I've been questioning my own desire to understand all that is understandable. Since we all distort reality in our perceptions, I will never be able to truly understand another human being. So what good will come of it? I don't know. I realized that for some reason, the unconscious goal of this undertaking was supposed to help bring enlightenment to the world. So, just like with my music, I think that I am somehow destined to alter the course of mankind.

Yeah, but I'm still humble.

No, that's the thing, is when I realize what it is that I'm secretly pining for, I step back and say "What? You know you'll never accomplish that!" Nevertheless, the feeling cannot be denied. Nor, I suppose, can it ever be satiated. Because I all ready have altered the course of mankind. I've added my voice to the eternal chorus, I've woven my thread into the great tapestry. I've helped to create life, and I've helped to share joy. So, crazy inner voice, what more do you want from me?!

Shoot, even if I'm famous, the extent of that fame couldn't be accurately measured until after I'm dead. A lot of good it will do me then.

So, great. I've just figured myself out. Go me. Now what?

Alternating Current!

My idea of time being able to flow backwards was too simple. What if time alternates forwards and backwards constantly, like alternating electric current? Our brains are then diodes that only apprehend and record "forward" movement. It makes me wonder if gravity is nothing more than the basic expansion of the universe working in negative time.

That of course makes a HUGE assumption that the natural "forward" movement in time is expansion, but that would tie in with my idea of the contraction of the universe as being anti-entropy, and therefore backwards in time. None of this makes sense, of course.

This would probably redefine "motion" anyways. What is it? Since our universe is always in motion, even when you are stopped, you are still moving in some direction. You can never be still. Unless, maybe you center the universe within your own mind, and let everything move relative to it.

But then, could you ever be in motion?

I suppose this still leads back to the answer that the universe only truly exists within your perception. Is there anything such as truth?

ESPN sucks

They're the Fox News of sports. Good god, the amount of biased idiocy spewing from their mouths is intolerable. Desmond Howard comes on ESPN's local affiliate station, which also happens to be the Utes broadcasting network, and says he doesn't respect the Utah or the Mountain West because "you need consistency." Die.

The stats are even available on ESPN's website, Howard! You nincompoop. How's this for consistency? 2003-2008, the Utes have gone 59-16, and won a bowl game every year. They have the longest active bowl winning streak, one of the top winning percentages over that span, one Heisman trophy finalist (and #1 overall draft pick), two Head Coach of the Year Awards, and they are one of only four teams to have achieved an undefeated season; the ONLY one to do it TWICE.

Take your ESPN/BCS propaganda and shove it. Idiot.

Another Puzzle Piece!

There's not enough time to explore the ramifications right now, but I learned that all humans distort their perception of reality in order to cope with it. What this means immediately is that if the mind isn't bound to the limits of reality, then it becomes a variable in the mathematical equation of the universe. Even if time flows forward or backward, and all things can be mathematically explained as both the cause and/or the effect of an action (depending on which time flows), the mind can change its state upon reiteration. Basically it's the human "free will" working against the godly "destiny."

More later.

Why I Want To Re-Record My Album!

My album, how I loathe you. Let me ennumerate the ways.

1. The vocals. When I used to record my voice, I would do it the music playing loud in my headphones. As a result, I moved myself closer to the microphone, but lowered my volume. It wasn't natural. So, for the album, I recorded all the vocals "live" while playing guitar or piano. Unfortunately, I compensated for the volume of the piano by pushing my voice too hard and closing up my throat. I've since discovered a way to more successfully record my voice naturally, but I can't overdub it on to the ADAT, since it was recorded live and the original vocals have bled onto the piano tracks.

2. The bass. The bass was the first thing I recorded, and back then I didn't even know I'd be getting a better one. All the songs are played on my Peavey Milestone II, except "Gravity" which features my new custom built bass. The difference in quality couldn't be any clearer to me. It's so much thicker and well intoned. Every song deserves it.

3. The mix. I was under the impression to downplay the drums, not let the bass overpower the mix, and fit the vocals in amongst the prominent acoustic guitars and pianos. That was wrong. It gives the album a fat middle, but very little highs and lows. I should have pulled the guitars and pianos further back (especially when performing rhythm parts) and created more depth. One song that the mixing is on the right path is "When I Dream About You." I'd like to use that has a starting point.

4. The EQ. My vocals didn't even sound so bad once the right EQ was applied. The only problem was that I transferred all of the tracks from the ADAT to the Akai completely "flat," thinking that I could apply EQ later on with the Akai. But the Akai's digital EQ was shockingly bad. If you boost or cut any frequency by more than just a a few dBs, a horrible fluttery static noise would appear when the volume spiked. It was totally unacceptable, and apparently a design flaw. So I tweaked each frequency as much as I could push it, but my hands were tied. I could have made more out of what I had, but it wasn't meant to be.

To Understand All That Is Understandable

I've had so much to say. SO much. But I haven't had time to blog it. Because I'm spending every possible minute trying to learn everything I can. But my philosophy about learning is changing. It all goes back to studying college football.

I spent weeks this summer analyzing every last possible bit of information I could gather on every team in NCAA Division 1 Bowl Subdivision. It started off as an exercise in predicting teams' future seasons, then evolved into rectifying the facts with the pre-season poll, then evolved into a greater understanding of the mechanics of the sport. As I zoomed out on the picture, the corruption and collusion became clearer and clearer. And it doused my love for the sport.

But more importantly, I went from knowing to understanding. I could quote every statistic imaginable, but I was still under the illusion that it was a fair sport. Upon reaching awareness of the evil heart of college football, the importance of the details withered away. I had achieved enlightenment, in a way.

And so my quest to learn all that is learnable has changed. It is now to understand all that is understandable.

Can it only be acheived from learning all that is learnable though? I don't know. Perhaps not. We'll see. I'm trying to start my journey by grasping the history of civilization. From it's earliest beginnings, down through the years, across the continents, to here and now. Maybe I need to start with nature, but I feel confident so far in the lessons I've taken from it.

Namely, that the essence of life is to preserve life. Without that principle, the planet doesn't work. And while warring tribes and cultures are similar to rival packs of wild animals, a healthy equilibrium has not been reached. Why not? Something about civilization has gotten in our way. I don't know what yet. I intend to find out.

At any rate, my meta-understanding is evolving as well. I'm a visual learner, and I need to see differences and similarities quantified in order to grasp them. I need a complete and scaled timeline to understand the length of civilized history. So, I haven't been blogging because I've been attempting to compile one.

Also, I need an orrery that is at once massive yet easily comprehensible.

Why won't anybody listen to me?!

What the hell? I know what I'm talking about, so shut up and listen all ready. Did you know I called in to a radio talk show to totally pwn the hosts, but they didn't even get the point? No? Well, I did. They were saying that a Michigan judge should be fired because he claims he didn't know that a woman in his courtroom was wearing a headscarf for religious reasons when he asked her to remove it. Their claim was that the judge is either a racist or too stupid to realize that Muslims wear headscarves. I called in to tell them that not all Muslim women have to wear headscarves all the time, and so it's quite possible the judge was simply unsure in this case.

The freaking radio morons didn't even have a clue what I was saying. Their response was "Everybody has a different way of expressing their religion, and they should have the right to!" I tried to explain that they had failed to grasp my point, but they cut me off. Freaking worthless idiots.

And I've completely begun ignoring politics. What a mindrotting joke. For me, it was when Sarah Palin was claiming that Obama was organizing "Death Panels" to determine who gets to live and die that I finally said "Enough! I can't handle these intense levels of stupidity!" So, fine, America. Keep believing these fools. For God's sake, you deserve all the bad things they do to you. I know what's right, what's moral and just, what's wise and prudent. It's pretty darn easy to see. The answer has been there all along, and yet nobody has listened. Well, then screw you. I'm not going to listen to you any more.

Good god, to think that I considered myself open minded to consider the opinions of the right wing talk show hosts. What a fool I was. I listened in to some Michael Savage today, and the time away earned me a new perspective. It's all insidious lies. It's all half-baked logical arguments presented to push a hate-filled agenda. And when a caller wholly pwnt him on his own show, his weasely wimpiness really showed through. What an ass.

How amazing is it that people are fighting against health care reform? It's like, when you learn about the Loyalists in the American Revolution, and you think - jeez, how could anybody have supported the tyrant King? Well, duh. Here we are, with a chance to finally make some real positive change in this country, to help all those who truly need it, and we take to the streets with semi-literate racist picket signs. America's history is pock-marked with protests against fairness. No! Don't End Slavery! No! Don't Let Women Vote! No! Don't Let Races Mix! No! Don't Let Gays Marry!

Just die all ready, jerks. And how these people can consider themselves followers of Christ, I'll never understand. I don't recall Jesus preaching "God Hates Fags." Maybe I got some liberal commie version of the Bible. Because the Jesus I know and love seemed to be putting down a message more like "Do unto others as you would have done unto you." And other Socialist propaganda like that.

Even beyond the religious aspect, this is an unnatural way for humans to exist. In a state of war, fear, and hate? That's not how it's meant to be. The entire meaning of life is to ensure the continuation of your species. If life ever refused to do that, the whole thing would fall apart. All life on the planet relies on this one simple principle. Yet we take an "Every man for himself" philosophy. Are you kidding me? We never EVER would be where we are if the human race always felt that way. A lone human isn't fast enough to hunt with rudimentary weapons, or strong enough to operate a farm. A naked human would barely survive a year in most climates on the planet. Everything we have created for ourselves has come as a result of teamwork and cooperation. And we've become one of the most successful species in the history of the planet. It's something to be proud of. Not something to turn our back upon.

So why are we fighting to ensure that our tax dollars go more towards creating death than preserving life? Damned if I know. I think people are just goddamn stupid.

If they'd listen to me, they'd know better. But it's not going to happen. I don't know why. I was even trying to explain the whole "Why the Utes suddenly look worse" thing to some Utah fans today, and they didn't grasp the concept. Maybe I was talking too fast, and it was a lot of information to get out. I don't know. At any rate, I failed to enlighten them. If only I was able to communicate better. To connect. To put my ideas into their brains.

I guess that's a motivator for me. That must be why I blog and write music and stories and dream of being a teacher. I must have some sort of innate desire to help bring people to my level of understanding. Weird. Well, anyways, it's getting late, so I'm going to end here. More to come next time I have time to write.

Why the Utes suddenly look worse.

Alot has been made of how the Utes struggled to put away Utah State and San Jose State. Well, first of all, it's frustrating that Ute fans have such short and mediocre memories. The team that blew out Alabama did not play like the same team that squeaked by New Mexico. And Michigan, Oregon State, and TCU were lucky wins. But last year's team, like this year's, had the most important thing going for it - they knew how to pull out a win.

I'm getting fed up with people saying that Utah has looked more average against these WAC opponents. It's like they're not even seeing the same games I am. The biggest difference, the reason why the Utes suddenly look worse, is simply this: Potential Points.

It's a concept that occurred to me a few weeks ago. I figured the Utes had to have led the league in "Missed Field Goals Against" last year, seeing as how many times they lucked out. I never did the research to see how they stacked up against other teams, but I did catalog every missed opportunity that the Utes' opponents had over the course of the season. The results are enlightening.

Last year, the Utes won three games entirely due to opponents leaving points on the field. By that I mean, they were in scoring position and either missed a field goal or a PAT or something along those lines. Oregon State missed one field goal, one PAT, and two 2-pt conversions. That's a total of 8 potential points that the Beavers failed to convert. The Utes only won by 3 points. Likewise, TCU missed two short field goals, 6 potential points, and only lost by 3 again. And how about New Mexico? The Utes blocked one field goal, and ended up winning by 3 points. Potential Points were the difference.

One more example, but a more complicated scenario: Michigan. The Wolverines failed a 2 pt conversion that would have tied the game, but also blocked a Utah PAT (the only kick of any kind Sakoda had blocked last year), so the difference in Potential Points is only 1, and the Utes won by 2.

Out of all the other examples of points left on the field, none of them were significant to the final win margin. But interestingly, if you take into account all missed FGs, PATs, 2 pt conversions, and Turnover-on-Downs in the red zone, Utah opponents let a grand total of 40 Potential Points slip away.

The Utes: 16

A margin of 24 points? That's pretty good. Or pretty lucky. Either way, it means that the Utes were finding ways to win games that they probably shouldn't have.

Now, here's where we come to this year. As of this writing the Utes have played two games. All ready, they have failed to capitalize on 23 Potential Points! In two games! Two turnovers-on-downs at the goal line and three missed field goals have really added up quickly. And on the other side, only 3 points were left on the field when USU missed a Field Goal. So, their margin is at -20 heading in to week three. Is it any wonder they look worse than last year? If Asiata hadn't overthrown Cain in the end zone (yes, you read that right, the RB threw to the QB), and Vroman hadn't gone 0-for-3 on Field Goals, the Utah - San Jose State final score would have been 40-14. Not so bad, eh?

What does it all mean? Well, personally I just don't believe the Utes' luck will hold like it did last year. Like I said, they won a couple of games they shouldn't have. And that's ok. A respectable winning season, hopefully capped off with another bowl win to keep the streak alive, should be enough to keep the fan base happy and the recruits signing on. When will they stumble? I don't know. Hopefully not this week against Oregon. Since conference pride is the latest fad, it would hurt the Utes' reputation more to lose out of conference than in it. I feel confident - unfortunately - that the Utes are bound to drop one game, if not more, this season.

But the point I'm trying to make is that this is still a good team. Still our team that we know and love. So far they've continued the tradition of winning any way possible, even if it's ugly. That's pretty respectable. Don't be impatient, Ute fans. Don't have unattainable expectations. We still have a team to be proud of.

One more pre-season prediction...

The Utes offense will be no worse this year than last. I certainly understand the expectations of a drop off with the QB and all the WRs gone. But all that will be offset by the fact that Andy Ludwig will no longer be hampering them. Seriously; that guy's crazy schemes slowed Utah down more than any defense they ever faced. I don't feel that I'm exaggerating. His trick plays were ridiculous. He had Johnson trying to wait way too long in the backfield for the receivers to complete their complex routes, and he always tried to move the ball back and forth behind the line of scrimmage before ever going forward. However, when the Utes broke free of his playcalling - the final drives against Oregon State and TCU, and the first three drives of the Sugar Bowl - the results were staggering. Now, part of that had to do with the fact that the sudden change in offensive philosophy took defenses WAY off guard. But most of it had to do with the fact that there was a lot of talent, and they were just moving the ball forward.

So, this year, I think the lack of experience on the offense will hurt, but the better playcalling will help just as much.

On the other hand, I'm very interested to see what Ludwig does to Cal. Heh heh heh. Jahvid Best for Heisman? Probably not. Pac 10 defenses are stocked with quicker players than most MWC teams, and the trickery that had only marginal success for Utah will fail Cal.