Sometimes I miss Tony so much it overwhelms me. For some reason, late last night, wide awake, I was suddenly walking out of Tony's garage after a practice. We had just played two Beatles covers "Long Tall Sally" and "A Taste Of Honey." (We never played those in real life.) It was about 7:00 in the summer. Maybe there are a lot of things I regret about losing Tony. Maybe there are a lot of things I wish I had done differently. Like covering "Voodoo Chile." Man, I don't know how long it will take for me to lose that image that came to me last night. Mostly because I don't want to let it go. It was like life held so much more promise then. Now I don't even want to be awake half the time. I know that people often become addicted to things just as an escape from reality. I think that lying in bed, half dreaming half thinking is my addiction. I don't fall asleep for hours and hours because I am thinking about the past and the future. (Never his mind on where he was, hm? What he was doing, hm.) Sometimes it feels like all these crazy sentiments are going to take over someday. I can't throw away the box that my sister's toaster oven came in, 'cos I would feel sorry for it.
Last night I turned on the fluorescent light in the kitchen and shut off the main one. I stared at it for what felt like hours. I was reminded of a time and place I'm not sure I've ever been.
